Fading Fragments
by DesolateMoondust
Summary: (AU) This story follows Naomi as she wakes up to a world gone, and in its place the walking dead roam. Can she survive? Will she find her loved ones? And most importantly, will Naomi be able to cling on to the fading fragments of her life as she embarks on this journey?
1. Tick, Tock, Tick

**Fading Fragments **

**Premise:** This story follows Naomi as she wakes up to a world gone, and in its place the walking dead roam. Can she survive? Will she find her loved ones? And most importantly, will Naomi be able to cling on to the fading fragments of her life as she embarks on this journey?

**Authors Note:** Hello everyone! Hope everyone had a good Christmas and New Years. This story pretty much adopts the same beginning as The Walking Dead and 28 Days Later, but I'd like to think that once we get past the opening it sort of goes off into its own. It's from Naomi perspective, and contains many characters from the second generation of Skins, as well as zombies/walkers/dead - whatever you like to call them!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Skins at all.

**Rating:** M, due to the use of language and its graphic nature.

Now, on with the story!

**Chapter One - Tick, tock, tick**

Is this really happening? Am I really lying in a hospital bed… How the hell did I come to be here? As I sit up, I notice my gown and the instantaneous pain that throbs in my shoulder.

"Ahh, fucking.." I stop once I look at the revealing area, staring at the bandage that covers a visible wound sustained there. I pull the gown lower from my shoulder to get a better look at it, as if not believing it exists.

"What the fuck.. What happened…" I look around the room; it's far too quiet for my liking. Usually Cook's use of profanity and vile noises fills up the room, but right now, it's a distant thought. I look to the bare walls, the silence overbearing, and it's only then that I notice that the clock which hangs on the wall opposite from me, is dead. No rhythm, no sound, only stillness. I observe the room further, seeing my mother's cardigan on the plastic chair beside the bed.

"Mum?" I move forward to pick it up, gingerly stretching out with my injured arm to grab it. I bring it to my nose to sniff, but it smells considerably odorless. I look to where the window is, noting the natural light that shines in. I see only sky, which tells me that I must be above ground level, much to my dismay. As I divert my eyes yet again, I see a plant, which in itself is not uncommon in hospitals; but the sheer sight of its death is. I narrow my eyes, the brows lowering to contemplate how this plant has come to die, seeing as it takes time for it to decompose like this.

"Mum.. Effy….. Cook?" I turn my head, feeling, for the first time, rather scared.

* * *

I must have zoned out because the next thing I know, the cardigan is now on the floor and I'm lying on the bed with my legs to my chest, as if attempting fetal position. My eyes watch the hands of the clock, waiting, hoping, and just praying that it might resume its state of existence, yet I know it will not. I know that beyond that door, the life that I know has changed. I'm not entirely sure how, or whether it's something I can even figure out, but what I am certain of is that I am alone. My mother, my friends, my reality is no more. They wouldn't just leave me here, for this amount of time, if there wasn't something wrong. It just doesn't make sense. I try to understand how I came to be here, and I grasp fragments in my mind of the event, or at least I believe it to be. I was out with Cook and Effy, just walking down the street. Then we were about to enter a shop, I'm not sure what store exactly, but I was at the front, and as I made way inside I saw a shadow and felt an impact. It immediately burned me, accompanied by this indescribable bang, making everything ring, blur, and turn to complete darkness, yet not before I heard the screams of my friends.

A while later, I feel myself sit up on the bed, willing for my eyes to absorb my surroundings and wake up from this daze. It seems to work when I feel my legs swing over, and my focus turns to the floor, assessing everything around me. I slip into some slippers that are positioned under the chair, and pull on the cardigan that was on the bed. I wrap it around me tight, almost clinging to it. Something tells me it's all I have left. I then force myself to stand, using the bed as leverage. It feels weird, and I stumble slightly.

"Fuck sake." After a while of trying to convince the muscles to work in my jelly like state, I move my legs, finding the strength to walk delicately across the room. I brace myself against the door, and swiftly hold the knob and turn. It doesn't budge. I frown, unable to understand why the door won't open, that is until I see a key on the floor, as if slipped underneath for me to have. I bend down, supporting myself with one arm against the wall, and pick up the key. I then tentatively, with shaking hands, put it into the lock and turn it. This time, reaching for the doorknob and twisting it proves a much harder action to execute. I stand there, as if frozen.

"Fuck sake, Campbell, get it together.." I then without further hesitation turn the handle and push it open, my eyes immediately registering the carnage that awaits me. I move of this confinement and into the hallway, as if trying to prove that this is real, that if I place myself into this situation, that it will suddenly become a reality for me. It doesn't.

"Jesus." I note the array of relics that scatter the ward; varying from small objects like gloves and stethoscopes to large hospital equipment like wheelchairs and gurneys. It's a wreck. Yet what truly stuns me, and which forces me into a state of vehement denial, is the touches of blood that stain the whiteness of a once sterile environment. I say touches, when really, I mean spreads: multiple red smears on the floor, walls, and even on the counters of one of the nurse's station. It's enough to make me hyperventilate on the spot, even though I'm not exactly the squeamish type. It's like some sort of horror, one you don't realise you're starring in until you're just thrown into the action. And what further unsettles me is this motionless setting. It's calm but it's not tranquil. It just is, and it's absolutely terrifying. It's not even something that could be achieved in a horror film, at least, not for this long, and not without some sort of spectacle or action sequence, surely. What the fuck am I saying?

After I manage to regulate my breathing and somewhat desensitize myself to what I am seeing, I gradually move. It's with great effort, for my legs have yet to establish it's typical strength, but I make do. After wandering around for a while, I find an alarming set of doors chained together, carrying some graffiti.

_Do not open, the dead roam. _

What the fuck.

"What the fuck." I could not refrain from verbalising this thought, for it makes absolutely no sense. How can the dead roam? Dead people are dead, they need blood and a heartbeat to be alive and roam, so the idea that they 'roam', is a rather ludicrous one. I can't help but slightly snicker at this, until I see a hand appear inbetween the doors. I permit the small scream from my lips as I jolt away from the doors, too shocked to mute my voice for the hand continues to dart through, reaching out blindly with raw and gnarly fingertips.

"Jesus Christ." I move backwards as the doors clang together, holding back this person who insists on trying to get in. The hand continues to move around, but I turn away, unable to take it anymore. I walk down another hallway, another staircase, another ward, another foyer, and I hope that an exit will be made possible for me, because this is feeling a hell of a lot like some labyrinth. I can only hope that I find a resolution.

* * *

It's sometime later until I find a door that proclaims to be an exit to this empty place. I never thought a hospital could be so bare, considering how many people injury themselves, and the amount of people that work to stabilise these traumas, and yet I am the only being present. My mind continues to ponder what the message from the doors could mean, and what could really be on the other side. I make my way to the exit and lag, if only momentarily, before I open the door with a shove. It opens to reveal a desolate world, one without traffic, without human buzz and activity. It's distorting, confusing, and as my eyes look around, I fail to understand why it is that I am alone, and that no one, not even one single human being is here with me.

I walk out and look down the street, taking in the empty and seemingly abandoned cars, the countless bags that haunt the sidewalks and roads, telling me that life was here, that it tried to fight, and yet did not survive. These bags now lay unclaimed, with these streets barren and lonesome. The only thing that helps me to breathe right now is the gentle breeze that passes me by, succeeding in blowing the branches of a tree that stands a couple metres away from me. It's a beautiful sound – it's the only sound, apart from my erratic heartbeat.

"Where.. the fuck, is everybody?"

* * *

**Well that's it for now, folks. I apologise for any errors made, clearly it wasn't me, haha. Thanks for reading!**


	2. A Gun, A Knife, A Lamp

**Authors Note: Hello :) Just want to thank those that have left feedback, followed and favourited - it's much appreciated! Here is the second chapter.**

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**Chapter Two - A Gun, A Knife, A Lamp**

"Hello?" I can't help but be the cliché woman that calls out, hoping for some form of life to return the sentiment. I feel the draft through my gown and clutch the cardigan tighter around my form as I progress down the road. I pick up a rucksack and eye the bottle of water strapped to the side. I quickly disassemble it from its place, and throw the bag back down and hastily remove the cap, applying the bottle to my lips and jugging down its contents like a woman possessed. After I finish it, I feel my throat is much better thanks to this, god knows how long I've been without water. As I see my hands, pale and thin, I comprehend that it must have been a while. I then hear the noise of my stomach, forcing me to look through the same bag for something to consume. I eat some chocolate, ripping the wrapper off in quick succession and devour it greedily. Fuck I needed that.

"Christ." Once I've had enough to make me feel better and yet notably sick, I reassess my environment. I'm not that far from my house, it's perhaps a ten minute walk, fortunately. I pick up the bag, seeing how it contains more drink and edible products, which I would hate to go to waste. Once it is on my back, I clutch the handles and move on, heading down the street, my eyes constantly looking at everything in sight. I see houses with broken windows, or doors left wide open, with grass blemished with red, which forces me to glance away and to acknowledge something else, because it bewilders me to even contemplate what substance it could be. It takes me more than ten minutes, and perhaps it's because of being out of shape and considerably fragile, but I eventually make it to my road. I turn my head when I believe that I see something at a distance, a form of some sort, but there is nothing when I aim my sight in the direction. After feeling content to continue, I turn away and head on. I see the house first, and then the door. I used to hate the bright yellow, like it was trying too hard to be alternative, but now, it's such a blessing I feel like I'm about to cry on the spot. It's so reassuring to be met with something familiar in such a strange place. I look down the street and see something move, but it is so far away that I can't focus. I turn to look at the house and then back down to the road, debating my next move. It takes a further moment before I resign to my original plan and head home, shuffling my slipper clad feet along the pavement.

The door is locked. My hands instantly go to my sides based on instinct, but I find no pockets to hold my key, nor any remains of who I am. I sigh, and for the first time since being here, feel like I'm a stranger to my own home. I look under the plant bot and find the spare key; mother always did have the most imaginative hiding places. After some force, I enter the premise with yet another sigh, closing the door softly behind me. I place the key down onto the side and look around the hallway, not entirely sure where to go from here. It seems so normal, like if I were to call out right now or walk into the kitchen, I'd hear and see my mum. If only to reinforce this, I feel more than hear myself call out to her softly.

Nothing.

I move into the lounge and drop the rucksack to the floor, almost as if in slow motion, as it hits me like a wall of bricks just how immobile and quiet it is, how very discerning it is to be in a place that used to inhabit such occupants that annoyed the hell out of me. People that would continuously talk, touch and just be there, overriding my senses. I never realised how much I could miss it, how much I do miss them. I miss how mum would bombard me with feeling, with wisdom and culture. I miss how Cook would laugh and look at me with such mirth that proved so contagious. I miss Effy with that smile that she would show us, because we were special; we were a family. Now, I have no idea where they are. Are they even alive? How did this happen? How could this happen? Where are they? Christ, everything has turned to shit.

My body collapses to the sofa, unable to carry myself a minute longer. The weight of this situation takes me down until I can barely breathe, the gravity of everything seemingly exhausting me once more. I find myself kicking off the slippers and curling up once again, this time on the fashionably uncomfortable couch, waiting for my eyes to inevitably close.

"Please.. What's going on.. Let this be a dream."

* * *

It's not a dream, and I find myself waking up in the middle of the night, the curtains drawn open to reveal a hollow world outside - lifeless like this house. I stand up and close the curtains, perhaps out of habit, perhaps because I cannot bare to see no light staring back at me, and it frightens me. I move around the house, lighting up several candles as I go, once again out of habit. Mum always prefers to use eco-friendly methods, and tries to use minimal electricity if she can help it, even though she damn well loves her tea and as a result boils the kettle more times than she would deem acceptable if it was anyone else doing it. I feel the heart shaped void in my chest, it throbs a dull rhythm, longing for it to be restored. Once I have enough visibility I pick up the rucksack and open it, analysing the contents, I take out a bottle of water, noting how 3 more remain. I then pick up some more wrapped goodies, though obviously this person held no healthy diet.

I chew into the chocolate, feeling distinctly indifferent to this food, as my eyes focus on a certain frame that stands on a cabinet across from me in the room. It taunts me at eye level, showing me the world I adore, and ultimately took for granted, and which evidently has been taken away from me. I swallow hard and lower the half eaten piece down to the coffee table, my eyes never once leaving the frame, the picture too important for me to turn away. I see the happy faces of my mum, of Effy, of Cook, and then of myself. It's a stark reminder yet again, and it serves to make me grimace, disconnecting my eyes finally, unable to take it anymore. As I blink away the tears that form, my eyes fall onto an empty frame that lies on the coffee table. I lean forward and pick it up, observing it. I then dart my eyes up to the frame across from me and then back to the empty frame in my hands: the photo that once reside in this frame was my mother's favourite, it was of me and her when I was younger, back when I wasn't so much of a bitch. My hands stroke the frame, a sense of hope filling me. If this has been taken, then I know that she is alive. She is out there.

She has to be, they _all_ have to be.

* * *

I wake up on the couch and see the room illuminating with light, fortunately due to the daylight. I turn my head to the curtains and note how coloured they are, attempting to keep the brightness out. I sit up, feeling a lot better having rested. A yawn escapes as I then stand up, my eyes looking around the room. On closer inspection, I see how little ornaments and possessions are missing, which once again instils me with belief that they are okay, that whatever has happened, they have managed to escape it – together. Yet as I move out of the lounge, an overwhelming sense of dread fills me. What if one of those bags I passed was one of theirs? What if they didn't make it? What if.. I just need answers. I need to find someone. I need to know what's going on.

I walk up the stairs and enter all the rooms one by one, leaving my own until last. I note the dishevel room of Effy's which speaks volumes, as she was an avid neat freak. I see that Patto the giraffe no longer sits on her bed and that certain belongings, like clothes and personal objects are gone. I recognise a similar pattern in Cook's room, but his room is always messy. I can't help the chuckle that escapes as I try to walk through his unkempt room full of crap. I notice the frame that once contained an image of all of us now lies bare on the unmade bed, and it continues to satiate me. I then find myself look around my mother's room, though I wouldn't know the first thing that would go missing in this room, so instead I pick up one her jumpers from floor and place it to my face, inhaling the scent.

"Mum.." It crushes me, this nostalgia for something I never knew that I could potentially miss. On some level I was aware of how lucky I was, that I had this dysfunctional yet beautiful set up – this family, but I never appreciated it like I know I could have. I can't help but think of moments where words were not spoken or hugs were not given. I can't help but reflect on how so many times sets of eyes looked at me, as if daring me to connect and just fucking be honest: to let go of control.. It's funny really, how the one attribute in which I appointed so much time to cultivating, has escalated to now being my only downfall. It's the realisation that I never truly had any control at all. And now all I'm left with is fear, and it swells around inside of me.

I eventually make it to my room, and it's exactly how I left it. This brings a bit of comfort, I suppose, but it's not enough to quill all the anxiety that burns underneath my skin. I move to pick up some clothes and change, taking care over my healing injury and finally getting rid of this disgusting gown which is full of filth. I slip into some shoes and feel infinitely better for wearing something familiar. I then move to pack some belongings and change of attire, because like hell I'm going to be staying here. I just know my family is out there, and I have to find them. Clearly staying here wasn't an option, and so it's not one for me either. I place necessities into a smaller bag than the rucksack down stairs, knowing that I can't take too much. Though, I could always just get a car, it seems like there's many out there. Maybe they don't work? Maybe it's some sort of apocalypse.. I shake my head to rid these absurd thoughts and continue to pack. Once satisfied, I take the bag downstairs and collect other things, noting how other obvious things like medical kit and bottled water is missing. As I move to leave the kitchen, I see something linger in the back garden. I take a step towards the little window and see the form of a person, whose back is to me. They just stand there, and I stand there, frozen.

Even though their clothes are dark, absorbed with dirt and holes, even though the person sways slightly, as if not in control of their form, even though there is something really wrong with the way the person is carrying themselves in general, I still find myself moving to the doorway and opening it gingerly. It's not a big garden, but it's big enough to move about and play football or something. The door continues to creek open, and it clearly disturbs the person, for they stop entirely.

"Hello…?" It's pitiful, it's bashful and it's full of optimism. It's barely a whisper, but it's clearly enough to rouse the person, because before I know it, they are turning around, and my world completely changes in that instant.

It doesn't matter that his ankle is broken, or that his eye is clearly dangling revoltingly from its hollow eye socket, because he's moving towards me with such vigor that I immediately slam the door shut in front of me. He arrives at the door a moment later, and though his actions are aggressive, his movement is slow. He crashes against the door, his face cracking the glass, and I can't help the sheer volume of my scream that escapes my very lips. The dried blood that cakes his body, the way his body moves slowly and yet with such intent, the way he looks so.. dead, and yet very much alive. Fuck. The way his expression is brutal, and yet so very deceased, I feel like I'm fighting with oxymoron's.

I turn on my heels and run down the hallway, only just thinking to grab the bags that sit there as I almost stumble over them. Before I can attempt to pick them up, he has broken through the door and made his way into the kitchen, staggering around and making weird guttural sounds. I pick up the lamp from the lounge that is positioned fortunately near the door way and throw it at him, which causes the man to tumble backwards and fall down. I then pick the bags up and flee the house; I drag the bags out, my eyes looking around for a vehicle to use. It's then that I see a couple bodies on the sidewalk, snarling and grunting and heading right over to me.

"Christ… What the FUCK IS GOING ON?!" I then see a car a couple metres away and jog to it. I look inside quickly and notice how it is empty. I throw the bags inside and close the back open doors as quickly as I can before I climb in behind the wheel, my eyes constantly looking back to the beings that seek me out. I notice how one of them is a girl, a little one at that. She looks normal in a dress until you notice her face, and how part of her skin is missing with dried blood. To the side of her is a man who is a bit faster than her, and whose arm is missing, but it does not deter him from heading straight for me, his dull eyes looking in my direction, and not entirely seeing me: yet wanting something from me. It's then that I notice that there is no key in the ignition, and I begin to panic.

"Fuck.. Fuck fuck. Jesus, I don't know how to jump start a car.. Where's Cook when you need him." I muse to myself until I feel rather than hear bodies collide with the car. I look outside of the window to my side and see the man, his face against the glass, his mouth wide to reveal his rotten teeth. I gag slightly, unable to tear my eyes away from this horrendous sight. I hear the girl slam against the passenger side, which forces me to look, and effectively catch sight of the other man from my back garden making his way out of my drive and to where I am. I am certain that this is the end, and I will never find the answers I seek. I will never find my family. I will never know what is going in, who these people have become. I close my eyes and will for it to just all be over.

I hear another blow and then an all-encompassing stillness, something I never thought I would want ever again after I woke up in that damn hospital – but it's welcomed, hell, it's invited. I open my eyes slowly, to see the man at my driver's side completely stop moving. It's then that another sound is made, and I register that it is of a blade being removed from his head. I watch the man drop to the ground, just collapsing like someone pressed an off switch, and in his place reveals guy – a very much alive and human guy. He smiles timidly at me, showing off his braces. It's only then that I notice how young he actually is, perhaps of a similar age to me, with wild curly hair. I then hear another sound, it's rather low but it's audible enough to catch my attention. I see the little girl fall down and another guy is revealed, wielding a pistol of some sort, with a silencer on the end of it. He smiles slightly at me and then moves away from the car to the man that was in my garden. He then stops and stands there, so I take in how rather tall he is with a mop of dark hair, seemingly experienced with this sort of thing. He holds the gun, aiming it at the man who continues to stumble towards us at a slow pace.

"Freddie?"

"It's okay, Jay." And just like that, another low but evident fire is made, and the man that once stood in my garden, now falls to the ground on this street – beginning a sequence of events that I could never foresee coming.

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**And that's it for now! I'm hoping to update again sometime this week. Thanks for reading!**


	3. Confusing What is Real

**Hello! A small update to further the story really. Let me know what you think? :)**

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**Chapter Three - Confusing What is Real**

"Oh bobbins.."

"It's okay, JJ."

"Yes, I know. They're not human anymore, at least, they function only to-"

"JJ-"

"-drain the blood of- oh, locked on? Right, yes, stop, I have to stop.. I..." The guy with the dark hair places his hand on the curly haired guy's shoulder, which seems to comfort him. I remain sitting in the car, looking at them through murky windows, trying to decipher whether what I just saw happen is real. The tall guy turns his body towards the car and indicates with his hand for me to come out. I stay where I am.

"Hey.. Look, we don't bite, clearly." He says as if it's funny. He places his gun into the back of trousers and looks around.

"I'm Freddie.. This is JJ…. And this could go a lot better if you got out of the car."

"Nope.. I'm fine right here, thanks." He frowns at this as I look to the other guy who is notably very out of it, I feel the same.

"Look, we have a place, a safe place you can come…"

"Freddie, we can't-"

"JJ."

"She's a stranger; she could hurt us and take our supplies – at least what's left. The girls rely on us; we need to support each other. We shouldn't invite people into the group without weighing the pros and cons, or at least discussing this over with everybody else."

"I know, but look at her, Jay."

"We're struggling as it is.. Statistically speaking, taking on yet another person with the amount of storage that we have left guarantees that several of us will be left to starve and-"

"What the _fuck _is going on?!" I can't help the outburst, I really can't. I'm so scared to move, to breathe, to leave this car, to even fucking listen to their conversation. They turn to me in anger, and yet looking slightly confused by my admission. I finally get out of the car, feeling that it is time. I look at the bodies that surround the car, and I try to contain my stomach as I move by them, sidestepping and just generally trying to stand up straight. I feel very much like how they were moving not five minutes ago, roaming around with heavy footsteps.

"What do you mean, do you not…?"

"I woke up in hospital yesterday…I had an accident.. And now I swear I've woken up to some sort of fucking strange place filled with nightmarish shit… My family have gone and Jesus fucking Christ, you killed a kid and two guys.. I just…. I just want to know whether this is really happening. What the _fuck _is happening?" The tall lanky guy takes a step forward, Freddie, and raises his hands to my shoulders.

"First, you have to stop raising your voice.. There might be more around." I look to him in earnest, before looking to the curly haired guy, JJ, who seems to be investigating the area with his eyes.

"More? More of what.. What are they? Jesus, if I didn't know any better, I'd say they were-"

"-zombies? Yeah, the thought has crossed our minds.. Look, what's your name?" He withdraws his hands from my shoulders after I stiffen and clench my jaw.

"Naomi." Freddie stares through me for a moment, as if debating something, before he nods his head and finally looks at me.

"Okay, Naomi. There's a lot of questions that will remain unanswered, but we can explain some stuff to you, if you let us.. We have a place, it's not much but it keeps us alive. There's a group of us.. You can come with us, we won't force you, but it seems to be your only option at this point."

"No it's not." I say sternly, moving away from him. Freddie seems to pick up on my hostile behaviour and gestures sheepishly with his hands, raising them as if to docile me.

"Okay, wrong choice of words there… What I meant is, is if there are more of us, we'll be stronger. We work as a unit; strength in numbers, yeah? And trust me when I say, we really are your best option. You don't know what this world has become; it's not the one you left behind. And for that, I am sorry, Naomi." I allow my body to collide with the bonnet of the car, trying with all my might to understand it all.

"We need to be going, Freddie, it's never a good decision to be out in the open for this long – the risks are too high." Freddie's nods while his eyes remain firmly on me.

"Jay, get what we have, yeah. Head back."

"But-"

"Do it. I'll catch you up. We're nearly there anyway."

"Rule number 3: never split up."

"Well this is an exception, yeah. Trust me, JJ. Get those goods back to the girls, god knows Katie will be happy about the hair dye." After a beat of silence, JJ reluctantly shuffles away and collects some bags that are stacked on the side of the pavement – a sight I have only come to realise just now.

"Be safe."

"I always am." With an awkward nod in our direction, JJ seems to sprint down the road and turn around the corner, all the while carrying a ridiculous amount of bags on his back and arms.

"We really should get out of the road like he said." I nod my head and open the back doors, picking up my lousy supply in comparison. I turn to Freddie who smiles at me softly, yet warily.

"I'm not the bad guy, Naomi. I really am just trying to help you. God knows the commotion it's gonna stir back at the shed."

"Shed?" I frown slightly and follow Freddie, who picks up the remaining bags on the ground. My eyes, as if subconsciously fleet back to the bodies that are on the road. We begin to move away from the sight, but it imprints. It will remain with me now. It's something I don't think I will ever be okay with living with. My eyes linger on the girl, and I feel my eyes well up.

"I really am sorry.. It sucks."

"Yeah, it does." We fall into silence as we walk; it's a steady pace, one that Freddie maintains with drive. We round the same corner as JJ before Freddie initiates conversation again.

"You should really consider my offer, Naomi. I know things are muddled right now; shit has been for a while now. But we make it through, together. You can be a part of it. We can survive together."

"Why are you being so kind to me? You don't even know me. I'm a stranger. Maybe JJ is right; I'm just going to hurt you and get supplies." Freddie merely laughs lightly at this, which causes me to roll my eyes and ask dryly:

"What?"

"If that's true, you would have done it already.. And you certainly wouldn't be walking with me right now. We're here." I stop as he does before a house; it looks ordinary, like all the others on this street. He surveys the area before walking down the side of the house, but stops when he notices that I haven't moved an inch.

"You don't have to join us. I get that your family is out there, and hopefully they're okay.. You can stay here, for however long, as long as you pull your weight. We can be an asset to you as you can to us. We're all about give and take.. And maybe, just maybe, I'm doing this because I am a nice guy, and I truly think that we can help each other out." He moves further away before stopping again and mumbling softly, enough for me to hear, but not too loud for me to strain my ears.

"And maybe because I'd hate to think what this world may do to you, what both the living and the dead may do to you.. So I am giving you a choice: God knows I pray someone has done the same for my sister out there." His head dips at this while his body slacks, and it makes him look like a small boy, if only for a moment. I tug my lip between my teeth and consider my options, and before I have even officially made a choice, my feet tread forward. I send a gentle nod in his direction and divert my eyes to the ground, yet my last glance is of his face, which conveys his delight with a warm smile.

"Good choice, Naomi. Good choice."

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**Reckon I'll update again sometime this week. Thanks for reading!**


	4. Meet and Greet

**Chapter Four - Meet and Greet**

As we step into the garden, I notice a shed at the end.

"So you weren't joking about living in a shed, eh." Freddie snickers and looks to me.

"Looks can be deceiving, yeah. Just you see how big it is inside." We continue to walk until he stops me abruptly.

"Careful, we have traps laid out.." It's only then that I notice just how secure this seemingly available garden is. I see devices that look a lot like bear traps, and thin wires around the perimeter. I then see as we step closer, that there is a very tall and very see through metal fence with lines of barbed wire at the top.

"How did I not see this?"

"It's good, right? Any passer-by's will see nothing out of the ordinary, and it keeps the dead out. JJ actually installed some motion sensors and cameras around, so smile; you're on CCTV." A strained laugh escapes my mouth at the absurdity of this, but I suppose I'm not one to judge. I clearly have no idea the level of security that people have to install these days. My eyes continue to register the metal fence that circulates the shed, noting how high tech it is as Freddie approaches the gate. I see a comprehensive code lock and turn away to respect his privacy as he punches the digits. It jolts open and he pushes it further, offering me a smirk.

"Your humble abode awaits." He reaches out and takes the bags I am carrying, ushering me into the confines. He closes the gate door behind him and steps forward, balancing the bags with his own as he reaches to open the door of the shed, which flies open.

"What the fuck, Freddie? Who the hell is this?!"

"Katie, keep it down yeah, you don't want to attract attention. Let's just go inside-"

"Like fuck this bitch is coming inside."

"Katie-"

"No, you shut up, the lot of you!"

"For fuck sake." Freddie then pushes me forward, which in turn makes me collide with this wide eyed monster, forcing us into the residence. Freddie then moves forward, closing the shed door behind him, and he resumes conversation - yet I pay no attention. I look around the shed, not quite understanding how it can be this big when it looks rather small on the outside. I then feel someone push me backwards, and I groan, feeling the sharp pain in my shoulder.

"Katie, she's been in hospital, think you could ease up on her, yeah?"

"Like fuck I will. You can't just collect stray dogs off the street without talking to me first." Nice. I roll my eyes at her and continue to look around, not daring to speak, even though I really want to return the favour to this trolls face. Her brown hair cascades down her stern looking face, and for a fraction of a second I swear she looks like the girl from The Ring, you know, the one coming out of the TV.

"Oh whizzer, we have company! I'm Pandora, but you can call me Panda. I'm useless but that's okay, because we can have fun together, can't we! This is JJ, but you already know who he is, such a cutie pie! And Freddie, he's super-duper but won't surf and turf with anyone but Katie. And this is Katie, she's not always a bitch, but she does remind me of a cat, all meow and ra-ra, isn't that right Katie-boo? Oh, and Emily! She's Katie's twin and they're like totally identical in everything, isn't that right?" I look to this 'Panda', trying to understand the verbal diarrhea that's coming out of this person's mouth. She seems very childlike in how she represents herself. Her blonde hair is in scrunches, which further enforces just how young she looks, almost to the point of being naïve.

"Okay-dokey, let me show you around the shed!"

"Uhh, Panda."

"Oh. Am I getting ahead of myself?"

"Just a bit." I look to the girl who is Emily and then back to Panda, trying to comprehend everything still. I do a double take to Emily before my eyes fall back to Katie. They share a resemblance, but their features differ significantly. I feel their eyes look to me as I allow my gaze to drop to the floor, one pair seemingly compassionate while the other stares with nothing but contempt. I feel a gentle hand pat my shoulder, which makes me flinch slightly, more so because I don't like to be touched rather than the injury itself.

"Sorry.. Look, guys… I'm just, she woke up in hospital and has no idea what's going on. She needs us as much as we need her. Everyone just unpack everything that we've got, yeah. And before you say anything Katie, I got you some fucking hair dye, so pipe down with your attitude." I watch as Katie growls slightly, which causes me in turn to glare in retaliation. She moves away and walks past everyone else who stands there. I note how we must be standing in the very dim living room, as a couch is across from us. It's a rather spacious room, and it must have at least one connecting room because I then hear a door slam.

"I'll go check on her." The raspy sounding girl, Emily, says. She continues to look at me though, pondering something, before she smiles gently at me and leaves. I hear a soft click of the door in the distance indicating she has gone. I turn to my left see Panda near JJ in the kitchen area, and I only just register the kitchen now, which happens to merge with this room. JJ stands behind an isle and seems to be drinking something rather quickly.

"We're gonna run out of Mango juice at this rate, JJ."

"Yes well, this has expired anyway, so what's the point!"

"Jay."

"No, you've put our lives in danger by doing this, Freddie. No offense, Naomi, but… Oh sugar, this is too much." He then quickly leaves the room, followed by an apologetic looking Panda. Freddie exhales and moves the bags to where others are in the room.

"Are you hungry, thirsty?"

"No."

"Right." He stands there, looking somewhat disgruntled, twirling his thumbs and deciding on where to go from here.

"You should take a seat." He gestures towards the couch, which looks to be a right hand facing 4 seater corner sofa. I sit down slowly and turn back to him.

"Any fags?" Freddie laughs at this and fishes out a tin from his pocket.

"Stuff like that is running scarce these days.. But I have something better." He then produces a spliff, which makes me chuckle a bit.

"Well that'll do, I suppose." He smiles to me and lights it up, taking a shot before handing it to me. He then takes a seat down next to me, giving me some space, but sitting close enough to show that he is there. I take a drag and exhale slowly, allowing the chemicals to take effect.

"It's been too long."

"How long is too long?" I remain silent at his question, and return the spliff. He simply shrugs and takes another drag. We sit in silence for a while, with the occasional noise being made from one of the rooms: I'm guessing Katie is still pissed off with my presence.

"It's been like this for a couple months now. It just sort of happened. Don't really know how to explain it. One minute we were all going to college, the next it was fucking chaos. People screaming, falling, getting bit.. We managed to get out of there and just run; fuck knows why we ran here… My dad and sister were nowhere to be found inside the house, but.. Then…." He stops his story, the fag hanging from his fingers as it idly burns away. His face contorts.

"What?"

"I noticed something moving around in the garden.. It was him, but it wasn't him. He was just moving around, all sluggish and.. It was only when he faced me that I knew: he was one of them. No colour, no life, nothing.. I lost a dad that day."

"I'm sorry..."

"So yeah, it had to be done. Got all the shit we'd need and moved to the shed, it's always been my sanctuary really. Karen and dad, well.. They wanted the house, because… She was expecting... We made extensions on the shed, so I could live here with Katie, have our own place, you know?" His jaw clenches as he takes another drag.

"Could be an uncle, but I wouldn't know." My mouth switches nervously, not knowing what to say. I merely reach out and awkwardly pat his knee once. He nods slightly with a small smile, appreciating the gesture.

"So yeah, we've hid out here ever since. We tried going places, to see about everyone's families, you know? But none were there. Panda's mum, JJ's parents, Katie and Emily's parents and brother… All gone with no way of knowing whether they're alive or dead."

"So it just happened? No signs? Nothing mentioned in the news?" Freddie then extinguishes the last embers of the spliff and turns to me with a shrug.

"JJ tried to do some research to see how it came about, but all that was known were some isolated cases on TV about people randomly biting people. No answers, no reasons why or what exactly caused this to happen. Whether it's a virus or something, we have no idea. And trust me, JJ knows his stuff. This is just beyond anything possible." I exhale profoundly and lean back against the sofa, feeling rather tired all of a sudden.

"What we do know is that it takes a strike to the head for them to stop moving."

"How did you learn that?" He turns from me, his countenance hard.

"Had to start somewhere." I grimace at this, before noting a tear fall down his cheek, which he is quick to remove from his face.

"Look, why don't you take the couch for tonight, we'll sort out living arrangements tomorrow. We only have two rooms, the girls in one and us boys in the other.. They just need some time to come to terms, okay?" He then stands up and puts his tin away into his back pocket. He signals with his arms down the hallway.

"The door on the left is where I'll be, the door on the right is where the girls are and straight ahead at the very end is the toilet. Have to manually flush the toilet, but it does the trick. There's food in the cupboards if you want anything, but we prefer to ration and eat together. There's bottled water and other drinks around. There are some blankets just there; the couch should be big enough for you to sleep." He smirks at me and moves away.

"Just breathe and take everything in, yeah. We'll speak tomorrow; get your side of the story, and Naomi?" I stop from picking up the blankets to look at him.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry you had to wake up to this." He then turns and leaves the room, entering the bedroom he shares with JJ. I sit back and pull the blankets over me, adjusting the cushions to use as pillows. I lie there in the darkening room and will for my eyes to close, but they don't. The images from earlier today play over and over in my head, the way the girl snapped her teeth at me like I was food, the way the man just smashed his face through the glass door and the way the man had no arm and yet felt no pain. It's too much, but I feel myself drift to sleep, unable to fight this inevitable drowse.

* * *

My eyes crack open when for the millionth time I run through everything that has happened. I think a part of me was hoping it was just a dream, and that by forcing myself awake, I will forget all about the world that resides there in my dreams. But it's not, and I am met by the stillness of this dark room. I see a shadow move in front of me which causes me to sit up quickly.

"Hey, it's okay… It's just me. It's Emily. I'm sorry, I just…. I'm sorry for frightening you." She turns on a portable lamp, which lacks in power, but it's enough to expose the surroundings. I blink several times, adjusting before my eyes rest on the form of Emily, who sits at the other end of the worn cream sofa. She looks rather timid, sitting up straight with her hands to her lap. Her eyes dart from the floor to me before looking back down again, a faint blush corrupting her cheeks. I in turn scowl slightly.

"What do you want?" It's blunt, but it gets to the point. She looks up at me, taken aback momentarily by the disdain before she answers demurely.

"You were having a nightmare, I came to see if you were okay.."

"Well clearly I'm not, am I?" It's snarky, and my mother would be whining at me around about now to stop being so rude and grumpy, but she, along with Effy and Cook, are the reason as to why I am the way I am right now. As I look to Emily, I can see how she differs to her sister. She clearly has patience, and is empathetic, because she doesn't instantly respond with some ridiculous retort. Instead she sits there, just watching me and fiddling with her hands.

"I used to have them too, still do sometimes. Tea helps with that, I think we may actually still have some." She stands up and makes her way to the kitchen area. She reaches out and grabs a lighter, and turns to ignite a little portable gas stove that rests on the kitchen isle. I stand up and admire what is available, noting two more gas stoves and equipment beside it. She pours some water into a source pan, and puts it onto the stove. She swiftly turns around and walks to the cupboard to open it, looking up to the top shelf. She attempts to reach it, going on all tip toes and everything, but fails. She does this a few times before I get fed up with watching and casually walk on over and stand behind her, fetching the only thing on the shelf which is a rectangle tin. I pull it down and hand it to her, watching as she dips head and turns away from me. I swear I feel her shiver, but it's actually quite warm in here, at least it is for me.

"Thanks." She weakly offers and steps away, resuming her place at the island. She opens the tin to reveal half a dozen or so tea bags. She places one into a cup and turns to me.

"Do you like it with sugar and milk? We have white sugar, but the milk might be tricky.."

"I'll just have some sugar with it, then. Thanks." She smiles to me and turns away again, reaching for a pot which says 'sugar'. She brings out a spoon and dips it inside.

"How many?"

"A couple will do." I then move away from the kitchen and sit back down on the sofa, listening to the quiet sounds of water boiling and Emily shuffling around. I feel so tired, but I just can't sleep. I see the faces of the dead, and then the faces that I love, and I just can't understand how this world came to exist. It sounds like even if I were around to watch it happen, I would still not understand it, and because of that, I feel the beginnings of a migraine surface in my head.

"We have some medicine left, if you would like some? Also… if you have any injuries, we have a kit, so.. yeah." I lift my eyes to see Emily before me, holding a cup of tea. She gingerly walks toward me, her hands offering the beverage, I eventually accept.

"You can trust us. I know Katie can seem like a bitch on first appearance, but she's only defensive towards things that are unknown: it's just a coping mechanism. She isn't like that all the time."

"Sounds to me like you've had to explain that particular character trait about your sister on more than one occasion. Got it all rehearsed, eh." She exhales, sitting down at the exact spot she was at before. She tucks one of her legs underneath on the couch and makes herself comfortable. I take a hesitant sip of the tea, and note how it actually tastes quite nice. She notices this and smiles.

"It's caramel tea." I take another tentative sip, enjoying it now. It juxtaposes with the array of extravagant flavours my mum would put together, and occasionally, if lucky, get right.

"You can make soy or almond milk, you know… All you need is water." Emily looks to me with intrigue, her eyes so open, just watching me.

"Mum used to be big on making it, so.." I dip my eyes to the floor, trying to figure out why I chose to share that sort of information with her when I really don't want to talk about anything related to my family.

"That sounds nice. Maybe we can make some sometime..? We have almonds, so we could make that at least." I remain silent at her suggestion, and merely blow on the tea. After a long pause I look up to her.

"You're nothing like your sister, are you?" She looks to me rather curiously as I take a couple more sips before placing it down to cool. I move back to my position on the sofa and look directly at her.

"Panda, she said you're identical in everything.. But you're not."

"You're really good at deflecting, Naomi." I have the urge to ask how she knows my name, but I refrain, knowing quite well that she will pursue this conversation whether I like it or not.

"On second thought, maybe you two are more alike than I thought." I stand up to relieve some tension that's beginning to build inside of me. I'm not entirely sure why I am acting this way, and if anything, I'm the one behaving like this Katie bitch. I exhale softly as I stop pacing in the lounge, my back to her.

"It's okay to be upset, Naomi." I turn around at this, feeling fairly livid.

"Really? Geez, thanks. It's nice to know that I'm _allowed _to be upset."

"You're not alone, you know. We're here; we'll be here for you."

"I don't need you! I don't need any of you!"

"Then who do you need?"

"Wouldn't you like to know? That's why you're doing this, right? So you can watch me fall apart and reveal my life story to you? Well I won't. I don't have to tell you anything." She just sits there, her expression neutral, if not caring, which just aggravates me more.

"Seriously? What are you? Some sort of fucking Buddha? How can you be so calm? So bloody still when this world is fucking alien! Kids walking around like kids but they're not! And people with limbs missing, and blood and… I just.. How.. I… Jesus."

"You have no idea what I live with, Naomi. And I know nothing about the ordeal you've experienced. I'm trying to let you know that you don't have to be burdened with this. There are people here that will listen, support and care about you.. You don't have to go through this alone." She stands up, but does not move from the spot. She tries to look me in the eye, but she is smaller than me, and so is forced to look up slightly.

"But I understand, you have a lot of anger and frustration.. We'll be here when you decide to speak to us." She begins to move away from the lounge, but stops for a moment, lingering. She moves slightly as if to turn back around, but halts her action. Her back remains to me as she concludes.

"I'll be here for you, if you let me." And just like that, I'm left with these thoughts once again. Well, that and some seriously good caramel tea. Fuck my life.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! I'll be sure to update sometime next week.**


	5. Oh, How The Cookie Crumbles

**Author's Note: Helloooo! Just want to thank those that have taken the time to review, follow, etc. It means a lot. To Tiffythetitan: I totally agree, Freddie seems to be portrayed as the bad guy in quite a few stories, so I suppose this makes a change. Though, having said that, Freddie does reveal a secret in this chapter! Doomdoomdoom.  
**

**Anyway, enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Five – Oh, How The Cookie Crumbles**

It's been a few days, and I have yet to state my side of the story. I'm still trying to adjust to what's going on, and familiarise myself with this place, gang and their way of existing, but it's not easy. I mean, it's not like I don't trust them per se; I just don't particularly want to tell them. Because of this it's causing a lot of unspoken tension throughout the shed, which stems, most significantly, from Katie.

"She still not talking then?" I hear her moan, her eyes piercing my form as I sit on the sofa, trying to listen to what Panda is talking about, but it's kind of hard to when Katie goes on and on in the background. Emily and Katie stand in the kitchen, making some breakfast for us lot. My eyes drift to Freddie and JJ on the other side of the corner sofa, who seem to be getting on better since I've been here. JJ apologised to me, and we've since reached an agreement that I will pull my weight and help out around the place. In all honesty though, it's driving me insane being locked up in here 24/7.

"Katie, why haven't you used the hair dye? Worked my butt off to get that shit." I see Freddie stand up and move away from JJ, and into the direction of Katie.

"Yeah well, I didn't want blue, babe - I want fucking purple! You _know,_ the colour I used to have before this shit of a world fell apart. And _anyway_, I'm not accepting any bribes, like. I still don't want that lanky bitch around here. For all we know, she could be one of them." A chorus of calls ring out through the room, with Freddie and Emily quick to verbally attack her. They continue to talk over one another, trying to gain dominance over the conversation, which just frankly gets on my nerves and forces me to blurt out simply:

"I want to help today." They stop when I say that, thank fuck.

"Oh whizzer! We can maintain the garden at the back of the shed, grow some food and tend-"

"No Panda, I mean I want to head out with Freddie and JJ." Once again silence fills the room, coupled with blank expressions. I feel like I'm trying to communicate with imbeciles.

"Naomi, it's okay, really. JJ and I-"

"Don't be sexist, Freddie. I can hold my own."

"With that shoulder?"

"It's better now."

"But-"

"For fuck sake, Freds, why won't you let her go with you? You said it yourself that we need more stuff; the more people who go out, the more stuff we get. It's simple, yeah. So what is it? Do you fancy her or something?"

"What, babe-"

"You do, don't you? What does that skank have that I don't?!"

"Katie-"

"That's it." Before I can even move, Katie is charging on over, ignoring the pleas from everyone. I feel her forcibly pull me to my feet, yanking me to and fro on the spot like a rag doll – how lovely. I push her hands off of me and take a step aside, trying to create some distance, but damn she's furious. She's always so angry, so much so that I swear she's one-dimensional.

"Ever since she's arrived you've been acting well fucking weird! Don't pretend like you haven't because I see it. You fancy her, don't you? You fucking boyfriend stealing whore!" She goes to hit me but Freddie intervenes, pulling Katie away. How I haven't slapped this wench yet is beyond me.

"Just stop, Katie."

"You're just a slut!" I hear Freddie growl, which forces me to look away from Katie and to him. He then pulls Katie away once more and sighs, clearly frustrated. With his eyes on Katie, he exclaims quickly.

"She knows Cook, alright?!" She visibly deflates as she stares at him in confusion.

"Cook, who the fuck is Cook?"

"How do you know Cook?" I step forward, sizing him up. He moves back from us, raising his hands to defend himself. He's so calm and strong when it comes to the dead that sometimes I forget that he can be such a wimp when it comes to the living. He turns to look at JJ with anxious eyes.

"JJ, mate?"

"Oh uh, yes, well: Cook, Freddie and I have been friends for years, have been since we were kids, really. But when he got into some trouble at school, of the illegal kind, he got locked up, and we slowly lost contact with him. But we've heard things through the grape vine and we've seen him every now and then since he's been released. That was over a year ago. He has a new life now, yes. He has new people to care about. He never really said who or what their names are though. Come to think of it, they were always nicknames like 'Eff', 'Ms G' and 'Blondie'. Oh, _oh_! This is- this is Blondie! Naomi is Blondie! Blondie is Naomi. Now it makes sense!"

"JJ, you better fucking get to the point around about now." I look to Katie and then back to JJ, who is now visibly trembling. He blinks several times, his mouth opening and closing a few times as he struggles to speak.

"Uhhh."

"It's okay, JJ.. Let's get you some mango juice." And just like that Panda escorts the shaking JJ out of the room, holding a glass and a carton of juice. For someone who drove a knife into the head of a dead man with precision and yet cannot seem to handle raised voices, he seriously has issues. I see Katie standing before a shrinking Freddie with her arms folded across her chest, waiting for answers. I turn my head to see Emily lean back against the counter, her face hiding any trace of emotion and thus remaining neutral. I sigh and focus back on Freddie.

"So you know me? You know who I was?" He looks to me with guilty eyes as I feel nothing but disbelief over this, how could I have not known he was lying to me this whole time? I'm so gullible. You know that saying, when it's too good to be true….

"The last couple of times I saw Cook, he was doing much better, you know. He was happy, saying about this set up he had with these 'three great women': Gina, Effy and-"

"Me.." He looks down for a moment, once again overcome with shame before he continues, his eyes darting between me and the floor uneasily.

"Yeah. He was fond of you lot, you know. Proud.. It actually seemed like he turned his life around with you guys. Somehow when we always spent time together, it was a riot, but explosive. Always ended up getting in the wrong side of the law, but with you guys, he found a home. He fit with you. Was always saying how happy he was." I feel a knot form in my stomach as I struggle to breathe, my breaths growing considerably shallow, finding it difficult to comprehend the new information all at once.

"He had these photos he'd carry around with him in his wallet. Saw you in one of them, connected the dots."

"I'm not really blonde anymore."

"I know, doesn't mean I don't recognise ya. You're still Naomi. You're still Cook's mate, family, sister… And I couldn't turn my back on you - I can't."

"He never spoke about you." He smiles sadly at this.

"Yeah, we're his past, you know? Kept in touch here and there, but he wanted to stay on the straight and narrow.. I mean, for once, he truly had a reason to…. You know it took us our entire childhood to get close to Cook, to understand him, to _know _him.. Yet it took you only a year or so…" He looks away, feeling rather sad by this fact. Though how can it be true when I now feel like I don't even know Cook at all. Sure, I get the impression that he's always been this larger than life person who got it on with girls, partied hard and got into trouble, but the Cook that I know is not the Cook Freddie knows. He didn't tell me about them, so he lied to me. Though when I think about it he never spoke about specific people before in his life, so I suppose he's not so much lying as withholding information. Either way, I should have seen it coming, because we all have a past whether we like it or not. I think what hurts is how he became such an integral part of our family in such a short length of time, that it's hard to imagine that he actually had a life outside of us, because it feels like we've known him an entire lifetime. Had he never tried hitting on me in that foul, dingy pub, I don't think we would even be here now.. _Argh_.

"He's out there, Naomi. He'll be with them, he'll keep them safe. If there's one thing I am sure of, it's that." He moves from Katie and engulfs me in a tender hug. It's only when my face is pressed against his chest that I feel the wetness of my cheeks. I don't reciprocate the hug, but I lean forwards into him, appreciating the action. After a beat, he pulls back and smiles unsurely at me. My eyes drift to Katie, who although is still seething, is looking considerably softer. I wipe the tears away in haste, feeling rather embarrassed by this display, before turning on my heels and walking down to the bathroom, making sure not to connect my gaze with anyone as I pass, especially with the soft brown eyes that I just know oozes concern.

* * *

I lock myself into the bathroom and take deep breathes. Suddenly I feel even more alone than I did before, somehow. I feel my form slide down against the door until I reach the bottom. I pull my legs to my chest and just sit there, staring at the tiles on the floor.

"I have a brother too." I lift my gaze upwards as my head turns slightly to face the door. I hear as Emily moves around outside, and then feel as she gradually reaches the bottom and leans against the door too. I remain silent, not entirely trusting my voice or the words that may follow.

"He's a little brat, always perving on Katie and me, even though we're his sisters. He's so gross. And then there's my parents, they're.." Her voice dies out, unable to find the appropriate words, I guess.

"Do you ever stop.. Missing them?" I know the answer, because I feel it too. And even though it's aimless and took a lot of courage for me to ask, I feel like I had to ask. Maybe I just want to keep speaking to her, somehow it makes things seem okay.

"No.." It's soft and compassionate and enough for me to feel the stab in my heart like so many times before when I stop to think about them. I lean my head back against the door and sigh, unable to do anything other than feel this.

"So no, you don't stop missing them, but you learn to accept that by missing those you love most, it means that they may still be out there somewhere, and there's still hope that one day you may find them." I exhale gently and dip my head.

"I don't believe in God, Emily."

"Neither do I, but there is hope yet, Naomi. Unless you see otherwise, you can still hope that one day they will return to you, alive." The thought is nice; it's one that allows, if only for a moment, to soothe me. I close my eyes and imagine seeing Cook with his typical boyish persona and Effy with her usual stoic countenance and then mum… She'd just hug me and smile. And it would be perfect. It would be all that I need to exist in this life, if I had to, because they'd be here experiencing it with me. It would be enough.

"Thank you."

"Hey Naomi.. We're gonna be heading out…. If you wanna come, be ready in five, yeah?" I immediately climb to my feet and open the door, my eyes on Freddie. I look around to see if Emily is anywhere but I don't see her.

"Oh. Yeah, sure." He nods his head and walks away from the bathroom to get ready. I stand there, not entirely sure what I can do exactly to prepare. I walk into the empty lounge and see that some food has been left for me to eat. I take my time finishing the bowl and then decide to sit down, and wait for the guys to get ready. JJ is the first to emerge from the room and walks on over.

"I'm sorry about earlier, Naomi. I can get quite locked on at times."

"That's okay." I say with a shrug, not particularly caring if I am completely honest. He pulls something from behind him and offers it to me.

"It's my spare knife and holster, you can have it. It's never good to leave without some sort of weapon, never know when we may need to protect ourselves." I accept the weapon and pull it out of the holster a little. It's a medium length knife, enough to cause damage if it came down to it. It slide it back in and place the holster around my trousers.

"Thank you, JJ." I say, feeling a little more for him than I did a few moments ago. He just nods once and turns away, walking over to some equipment. Freddie comes out of the room with his choice of weapon, which is by no surprise a gun.

"Ah, I see you have JJ's finest."

"We should have actually discussed this more with her, Freddie. We don't even know if she's killed anything before."

"It doesn't matter. Like I said, she'll just be accompanying us to get some stuff. Get in, get out. That's all." Freddie turns to me, putting on his bug-out-bag.

"No killing business unless it's forced upon us, yeah, and even then me and Jay will do it." It makes me wonder how many people they have killed, or rather, the dead - or alive- who knows anymore? I stand up and walk to them as they have everything ready. They hand me an empty bug-out-bag, which is of considerable size and I slowly put it on my back.

"JJ, got the map?"

"Yep."

"Got your weapons?"

"Yep."

"Got our defenses up?"

"Yes, as soon as we leave Panda will turn them back on. Emily will be keeping a look out on the wireless CCTV scanner."

"Has the LCD screen been fixed?"

"Yes, it's running fine now. She'll be able to see clearly."

"Right, Naomi. This should take a couple hours, three at tops. We've got some places marked off to raid. We're looking for anything that will last, but most importantly water and canned foods. Other essentials and such will be an add-on. Ready?" I merely nod and follow as they begin to leave the shed, Freddie first and then JJ. I move to leave too but stop, turning my head to look back. I catch sight of Emily standing in her doorway, her eyes firmly on me. I don't have time for words, nor do I have time for feeling, but I nod my head in acknowledgment and then follow the guys out.

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**And that's it for now, folks. Be sure to let me know what you think, and as always, thank you for reading :)**


	6. All Is Violent, All Is Bright

**Author's Note: Holaaa amigos! Just quickly want to thank those that have reviewed, followed, favourited, etc. I'm dedicated to this story and try to update as soon as I can, so I appreciate the response. Now on with the chapter!**

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**Chapter Six - All Is Violent, All Is Bright  
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We've been moving for ages now, if I had to estimate, it's been about an hour and a half. We've dodged quite a lot of people who seem to be roaming around. I say people, but I know they're dead. I'm not quite sure I'm ready to admit it to myself, let alone to others. It just doesn't seem possible. And yet here we are, once again, coming to a stop and crouching down. We've wasted so much time just doing this dozens of times, I'm beginning to think we'll never get anywhere at this rate.

"Walker at 11 O'clock; seems to be a woman, fair height and build." I try to look past JJ, half fearing that it may be Effy or even mum, but as I catch sight of red, I know that I can breathe easy.

"Remember when Emily had red hair? Red suits her." I turn to JJ upon his admission.

"She used to have red hair?" I whisper back in kind. He nods his head; his eyes still trained on the wandering form that is getting rather close now, as Freddie loads his gun with the silencer.

"Yes, Katie and Emily used to dye their hair red until Katie dyed her hair purple - that was after Emily came-"

"JJ, locked on mate, yeah. Need to focus."

"Ah, yes, sorry." He then looks down, forcing himself to stop. I can't help the scowl that works its way to my face, for I don't believe I will be hearing the end of that story anytime soon. I am then distracted from this train of thought when I notice Freddie stand up, and pretty much reveal his position to the woman, walker, dead.. Thing. She moves towards us, but before she can take another step, Freddie has shot a fire and it hits her directly in the forehead. She falls down.

"Jesus.." I remain crouching down as they stand up with their bug-out-bags, my eyes unable to leave the form of the woman on the ground in front of us. Although decomposing and visually grotesque, she looked to be no older than 30. She was a person, young in age, with dreams and loved ones. She was once breathing in that body, then she was dead in that body, and now.. Now, I don't know. I can only hope that she has finally found an end after being dead.

"Naomi, come on." I feel Freddie pull me up from the ground and drag me down the pavement by the wrist, following a sprinting JJ in the distance.

"It'll get easier." Somehow I don't believe that for a second. He eventually lets go of my limb once he's convinced I will follow, which I do. We make it to a small but modest store with an empty parking lot exempt from a few cars.

"Right, this is the plan. I will head in first, and make some noise. Hopefully there will be nothing in there, but if there are some walkers, I'll handle it. JJ, back me up, yeah?" JJ nods and follows behind Freddie as he opens the door, leaving it ajar. I wait outside, watching as he kicks some stuff that's on the floor. It immediately gathers some walkers attention as they shuffle on over to us. There's about four of them, which makes me panic slightly until Freddie pretty much shoots two of them down in quick succession. I watch as Freddie aims his pistol again and shoot, taking down another before focusing on the last. And just like that, we return to silence – it's both a nightmare and a blessing, I've come to learn. He taps on a railing, but nothing happens. He then looks back to me and smiles crookedly.

"Right, you ready?" I nod my head and follow them as they walk further into store. I thought that it would be full of stuff, seeing as everyone around these days is pretty much dead, but how wrong am I. Shelves upon shelves are empty, aside from a product here and there."

"Fuck, they got here before us." I hear Freddie call out, pushing some crap on the floor that proves useless and broken.

"For a world occupied by the dead, there's a distinct lack of human edible food about..."

"Yes, yes there is. Living in a City has its pros and cons, really. The pro being that there are significantly more stores around, though the con therefore is that the population is larger. The mass population went crazy the day it happened, though I suspect even before that for there were some sightings of raids within the area. The day when it spread to Bristol was havoc, everyone went out and took everything that they could: collecting items in bulk for themselves, their families, and loved ones. We didn't exactly take mind to what was going on because it was so very chaotic, I think a part of me just wanted to rationalise the situation and put it down to riots, but we soon realised it was much bigger than that. It wasn't just families, even companies and the people who would import stock were taking it all back, I remember because Robert was saying how-"

"Jay." I look between JJ and Freddie as JJ continues, his form growing rather animated and passionate. I blink several times and try to concentrate on what JJ is saying.

"Though, I suppose that is what we are doing now, taking all the stock that we find. With time: day by day, week by week, and month by month, we are finding less and less. And the people that do manage to get food are desperate and without consideration for others. We encountered one group who would go out and collect items in bundles, and would go to extreme lengths to-"

"Jay." His voice is stern this time, which immediately ceases JJ's rant, but it quickly forms into something a lot more heated and unruly.

"Right, yes, bloody twats, they're all twats, fucking taking everything and leaving nothing for us!" JJ then begins to kick some shelves, completely lost in a rage. Freddie is quick to move to him and bring him close, attempting to console him as I just stand there, not knowing precisely what just went down, and not feeling like I can exactly comment on it. As I watch JJ slowly calm down, an idea comes to me.

"What about stock at the back?" Freddie pulls back from JJ as they turn to me, not fully understanding my proposition.

"Well, you say how all the big supermarkets have been cleared completely, but what about stores like this? I mean, it's big but not _that_ big that it warrants people involved with the store to reclaim their produce..." They just continue to stare rather vacantly, not catching on.

"Must I spell out what I'm saying? This place is small; therefore their inventory room should still be intact compared to the big marketed ones, yes?" Freddie looks to JJ who shrugs lightly.

"It's worth a shot."

We walk down the aisle to where we finally reach a door that we suspect to be the stockroom. Freddie decides to kick at it, before realising that it is locked. He then uses his gun and shoots at the lock and it unfastens. He then repeats the action of kicking it open, and this time the door goes flying back. We move in to the room slowly, wary of how rather dark it is in here.

"Fuck, JJ, got flashlights?"

"Yes, always." He produces three from his bag and distributes them evenly. We turn them on roughly at the same time to reveal the beautiful sight of piles and piles of stock. It doesn't matter that it's a box room with shelves that look to be assembled DIY style, because Freddie and JJ are extremely gobsmacked by the sheer quantity of items available.

"Yes Naomi, you fucking Queen!" Freddie surges forward into the room to grab whatever he can find first, clearly excited by this turn of events. We move into the room more and note what stuff we see:

"Yes, razors, gonna need those."

"I have bottled water here, Freddie."

"Soap here."

"Canned goods."

"Batteries, light bulbs."

"Toilet paper, kitchen rolls." We all continue to call out the new discoveries we make and bag them based on their importance.

"No medicine though." I turn to look at the two and hear JJ sigh, clearly troubled by this as Freddie pats him on the shoulder.

"It's okay, maybe next time, yeah. I'm sure there'll be more next time."

"Are you sure you've looked everywhere?" I decide to join in, which I regret as JJ nods, pointing to the empty rack which happens to be empty aside from a couple boxes of pills.

"Won't these do? I mean, Ibuprofen are quite effective.." I watch them exchange a look before Freddie walks towards me and smiles tentatively.

"Yeah, they're good, bag them." I pick up the two boxes and put them into my bug-out-bag. I look back up to see them sharing another moment before I continue to stroll around. I find myself smiling as I note the array of teas on offer and pull at least one batch of every flavour I find, including vanilla caramel, and making sure to get a few extra of those just in case. I get other essentials until I've completely filled the bug-out-bag I have. As I zip it up and lift it onto my back I catch sight of something that intrigues me. I use the flashlight to illuminate the tiny boxes, making sure to get two of them and stuff them into the sides of the bag.

"Naomi, you ready?"

"Yeah, let's go." Yet as we leave the dark room we are confronted by a gang of walking dead, hurdling straight towards us like a herd.

"Fuck, run. Get out of the store!" We separate into the different aisles of the store, trying to avoid the people that roam around, wanting to seemingly eat us like we're food – I guess we are to them. I try to run, but the bag is too heavy, and I find myself falling down with it as a result.

"Fuck, _fuck_." I haven't run far enough and notice under my current duress that one of them is walking on over to me, his dead eyes staring straight through me as he sways along. I force the bag off my shoulders and get up, trying to get the knife out of the holster. Somehow it's getting jammed and I find myself pulling at it desperately.

"Jesus, fuck, please." He's so close now that I can smell his stench and hear the way he snarls; his teeth mocking me. I finally wretch the knife out and hold it up in the air with both hands, and with a blood curdling scream I shove the knife down in the air, and directly into the top of his head. He stops, and for someone who is dead, I'm surprised to watch the life completely drain from his form. No longer is he mobile. No longer is he creating sound. No longer is he anything. He ceases to exist, and I am the reason for that. And even though he was long since dead, that doesn't console me in the slightest, because I have killed someone – something - and I feel utterly sick. I watch as he collapses to the floor, and proceed to ignore the sounds of fire and nearby onslaughts occurring around me. It's too much what I have done. I look down at his form as I grip the knife in my hand. He didn't deserve this end. And what's more, that man could have even been my father, and now I will never know. Every man, every dead, every something, had a life once. And I've just stolen his.

"Naomi.. Hey." I know that Freddie has his hand on my arm, he is touching and yet I don't really feel it.

"Just…. Release the knife, yeah?" I feel him trying to peel the knife from my grasp, and eventually he succeeds.

"It's over now, okay… It's over." I turn to him and look, with sensation not quite returning to me just yet. I think this is what they describe as being numb, you know, when you've experienced something traumatic.

"You okay to carry this, Naomi?" He holds my bug-out-bag, and I merely nod, in which he gingerly slips it on me.

"There you go.. Now let's get back to the shed, yeah. You did good today, and we can eat well for weeks." His coaxing annoys me, but I can't seem to locate my voice. JJ walks on over and frowns at us.

"We've been too long, we won't be back until sundown.. They won't be happy."

"Fuck them, JJ. They don't have to do what we have to." Freddie then lifts my chin up with his hand.

"It's going to be alright, just follow us okay. Keep close; everything will be okay, Naomi. Just stay with us, yeah?"

* * *

JJ's right, we don't make it back until the sun has set, and I just feel Katie's anger swell through me before the door has even been opened. We get inside and we're obviously met with an immediate ambush by none other than Kateikins.

"Where the fuck have you been? We've been well sick with worry! Thought that bitch got you into trouble or something."

"Katie, leave it."

"No. Why you been out all this time? What did she do?"

"Seriously Katie, please." Bless Freddie for trying, but even I can see that Katie wants to throttle me given the chance – and she finally has that chance. She looks to me and catches on, noticing my mute behaviour.

"She did something, didn't she? I knew she couldn't be trusted! Especially with her being best buds with this Cook guy. Let me at her!" I watch with no feeling as she launches herself at me, only to be stopped by Freddie.

"Fuck sake, babe, you really are fucking bat shit crazy sometimes. Just leave her alone, it's been a tough afternoon on her, yeah."

"I don't give a shit about her, she can-" She stops when I slam the box down onto the counter. Everyone practically stops with the force of it; I'm surprised it's still even intact. I shoot Katie a look and then lower the bug-out-bag completely to the floor before walking quietly into the bathroom and locking it behind me. It's a moment of déjà vu as I slide down the door; I listen to what they say outside. I hear Emily's muffled voice.

"Mature, Katie, _real_ mature. If you even paid her any attention, you'd fucking realise just how hard this is on her. Christ knows why she got you that fucking hair dye after the way you've treated her, it's obvious you don't care!" I expect Katie to scream, to retaliate, but instead I am met with silence.

I sit there for a while before I leave, feeling bad for keeping such an important room occupied when I'm not even using it. I dare a glance in the mirror and peak a glance at my own reflection, and it haunts me. I even look like one of them; I swear I am one at this moment. I feel dead; maybe I should just join them?

I walk out of the bathroom and head into the lounge; it's a safe place to be, for I know sleeping with them is not an option. I notice that the hair dye is no longer there, and it makes me smile a little, before I feel completely devoid once again. I sit down on the couch, and I've never felt so foreign and out of it in my life, and I've experienced quite a few substances during my short life.

"She really appreciates what you've done for her." I look up to see Emily standing there in the kitchen; I must have not seen her. I nod my head in response and look back down to the ground, but not before catching sight of the bug-out-bags that remain untouched on the floor, in a heap. I debate with myself before I stand up and walk on over, picking up my bug-out-bag as I go. I steal a look at Emily, who eyes me curiously, before I easily pull the other hair dye box out from the side of bag and place it down onto the counter.

"Heard you like red." I then place the bag back down to the floor, but not before rummaging through it to produce some tea bags. I put them onto the counter too and look away, that is until I feel Emily's hand on mine. I look to the counter to witness her squeeze my hand, forcing me to look up at her. She has such expressive eyes, I notice. So brown, so kind, so open. I'm surprised that they even exist in a world like this. Her mouth curls into an elated but gentle smile.

"Thank you, Naomi." I feel the side of my mouth switch into a small smile. I then nod lightly and pull my hand away from her, and turn on my heels back to the couch. I lie down on it and curl my frame in, longing for this day to be over already.

But I suppose when I truly think about it, there exists some light in this dim, dark world. And it emits from the living.

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**That's all for now, folks. As always, reviews and such are welcome! And thank you for reading :)**


	7. Flowers for Living, Bullets for Dead

**Author's Note: As always, thanks for the feedback - its much appreciated! On with the story :)  
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**Chapter Seven - Flowers for Living, Bullets for Dead**

"So how did you get the gun?" I ask Freddie as we follow JJ down the road, looking around the area cautiously. He breathes out softly and turns to me.

"Dad, he used to be in the army.. Was an avid gun collector."

"So there's more?" He nods his head, looking across the street to see a walker.

"Reckon you could teach me?" He raises the gun and aims at the stumbling walker, who is making his way over to us in the road, until Freddie presses the trigger and he collapses down. He shoots with such precision and never fails.

"I would, but I've seen the way you kill with a knife… If there was the slightest inkling I could convert you to guns, I'd take it.. But Naomi, trust me, you're a blade fighter." I snort and shake my head as we resume our hunt.

"That's a load of bollocks. If you're running out of ammo and need it for yourself, you could just say so."

"Honest Naoms, you're a natural… The first kill you made, I was surprised just by how fluid you were."

"Fluid? I couldn't get the knife out of the holster.."

"After that. The way you poised yourself and made the execution, it was excellent. Even JJ can't compare to that, and you're a newbie. Imagine how great you'll become if you craft your skill."

"To be honest, I don't like being close to them… The walkers, they're….."

"I know, believe me, but you're a natural. It just takes time. Maybe if not a knife, another weapon. But honestly, guns don't do you justice. But if you want, I can still teach you how to use one, okay?"

"Yeah, thanks."

"Guys, we're here."

We make it in and we get what we need. It's how it's been the last several times we've done this now. I'm getting used to it, even though it still makes me feel cold inside. I've killed 6 people. Though now, they're not people; they're walkers. I've at least been able to distinguish it, and it makes me feel a bit better about having to do it. But still, I remember each one. It's kind of hard to forget. Freddie says that they'll all blur into one in time, that they will all look the same, but I doubt it. Every face I see, every form that moves, they used to be somebody, and even though they're dead, they're still an entity. And they're all different to me.

* * *

Once we get back it's early evening, so the light is beginning to disappear from the sky. I place the bug-out-bags down in the kitchen and watch Panda smile at me.

"Thank you, Naoms! Did it all go okey-dokey today?"

"Yep Panda, it went as smooth as can be."

"Oh whizzer! Emily's at the back of the shed tending to some flowers. Katie always moans that they're pointless now because no boys will ever buy her any, but I reckon they look well beautiful, don't you?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Ooh, Hubba Bubba Atomic Apple gum! Super-duper! I'm always asking JJ to get me this but he can never find it, or he forgets… Did you-"

"It's no problem, Panda." I go to walk away but am trapped when Panda lunges forward and holds me to the spot. She holds me really tight, enough that I begin to worry about my oxygen levels.

"Panda.. Can't exactly.. breathe."

"Thank you, thank you! Oh whizzer, can I be your bestest friend Naomi?" I chuckle and continue to pry myself from her grasp.

"Uh, sure Panda. Sure." I hear a laugh and look to see Katie walk into the kitchen. Her hair is a lovely shade of purple which compliments her, in all honesty. She even offers me a small smile as I move back from Panda.

"Emily's got a surprise for you, N." I frown slightly at this and withdraw my eyes from the pair of them, who both seem to be smiling rather coyly. I feel the back of my pocket to make sure the gift is still there and then address them.

"Uh, okay. I'm just gonna…" I indicate with my thumb and back out of the shed. I walk around it and to the small, limited garden patch occupied with flowers, plants and greens. It's better than nothing though. I take a few steps and notice immediately a shade of red that was not there before.

"You.. Your hair." Emily then turns around on the soil, her knees still to the earth. She smiles brightly at me.

"Yeah, thought it was time to dye my hair, you know, once Katie's hype had gone down. Can't be spoiling her limelight now, can I." She smirks as I laugh, shaking my head. I lean against the shed and cross my arms.

"It looks great." She lowers her head slightly, allowing a few bangs to fall. Even though the sun is now gone from the sky, her hair still shines so effortlessly. It's truly a wonderful sight. And they were all right; red is certainly her colour. She brings a certain life to it, one that honours humanity. It's nice to have different connotations for the colour now.

"Thanks… So, I made these for you. As a thank you for all your work and, well, being here." I watch as she stands up and delicately covers an array of flowers in wrapping paper. The bunch alerts my senses, by sheer smell and sight. Purples and pinks, whites and yellows, of all sizes and textures: I'm in complete awe. I move away from the shed and stand before her.

"Wow, Emily.. You really didn't have to."

"I know, I just.. I wanted to." She smiles, trying to hand me the bunch, and I dually accept, trying to figure out what exactly they are. I hear her chuckle as she steps closer.

"You have no idea what they are, do you?" I feel my face burn a little as I shake my head, turning my gaze from her to the flowers. She gestures with her hands as she speaks.

"We have carnations, tulips, daisies, snapdragons, lime greens and some daffodils. It's a crazy set of flowers to put together, but.. Well, you deserve them.. All of them." I exhale with shock, but the good shock that feels nice and makes you smile. I manage to reply after a long pause:

"Thank you, Emily." We stand like this for a moment, neither moving nor speaking, just looking at each other until Emily looks away, as if shyly. She then looks back up to me, batting long lashes that causes me to have butterflies like no other. I cough softly and then look away, focusing on the flowers, trying to distract myself from those wide brown eyes. I deliberate for a moment, biting my lip before I proceed, convinced. I raise my eyes to Emily once again and mutter.

"I actually got you something too." Her brows lift almost comically as I lower the flowers onto a nearby small garden table.

"I saw that you had a few books in your room, in particular Jane Eyre.. So when I found this book, I thought maybe it would be a great addition." I bring out the paperback copy from my back pocket, which had been bent in half. I try and straighten it out as I hand it to her.

"I know it's not much, and you probably don't even like Jane Eyre, but I remember reading this years back and finding it an interesting read.. It's a sort of prequel to Jane Eyre and focuses on Antoinette, or rather.. Bertha, you know, 'mad woman in the attic'…. So yeah." I watch as her hand tenderly traces the front cover, smoothing out the edges lovingly.

"'_Wide Sargasso Sea by Jean Rhys_'. So it's not written by Charlotte Bronte?"

"No, but it's still a good read. And I find that it's very well written." Her eyes glaze over once again before they reconnect with reality. She then looks bashfully at me.

"You're actually kind of wonderful, aren't you, Naomi?" I find my bottom lip between my teeth, unable to stop the motion. It seems to be an automatic response these days when I'm around Emily. I stuff my hands into my back pockets and tilt my head.

"Does that mean you'll read it?" I continue to bite my lip as she giggles and holds the book to her chest; her eyes never waver from mine.

"Yes, I will read it, Nai." I've been called a lot of things: Naomikins, N, Naoms, yet Nai is a nickname that truly captivates me – or rather, it's the voice of the person who calls me that does. With that thought in mind, I dip my head and release my lip, making myself stop being so weird. I then force a small smile to my lips and turn on my heels, about to leave, before I remember the flowers. I pick them up and permit one last glance and murmur 'thanks' before I head back into the shed.

* * *

Days later and we're all just lounging about after returning from another hunt.

"Naomi, come here yeah?" I hear Freddie call out to me as I sit down on the sofa with Panda, playing card games. I lay down my cards and I hear Panda immediately screech.

"Oh salad, you win!" I chuckle at this and pat her on the shoulder.

"No Panda-pops, you win! I'll be right back." I force myself up and into Freddie and JJ's room. I see their separate beds on opposite sides and see JJ get up from his bed and move out of the room, his eyes looking down as he goes. I then focus on Freddie as I stand at the entrance.

"Close the door, yeah? I've got some stuff for you that I think you'll like." I kink my brow up at him in an amusing way, which causes him to laugh.

"Nothing like that, yeah. Katie will have my balls on a platter if I so long as thought about it." I laugh with him and close the door behind me. I then move into the room and sit on JJ's bed – what he doesn't know won't hurt him. Freddie in turn raises his brow but says nothing, choosing to direct his attention to a towel on his bed, which is clearly hiding something.

"What you got, Freds?"

"Well, seeing as you were saying about wanting to use my gun, and wanting a weapon from a distance, I went looking through what my dad has in his trunk… I mean, did.. I.." I watch silently as he composes himself and then continue, removing the towel to reveal two objects.

"This, of course, is a-"

"Crossbow?! Oh my god, how the hell am I supposed to use that?" He smiles knowingly at me.

"You'll know soon enough. And this is an advanced machete and quite a fine one at that: very sharp, very thorough, and very deadly."

"Which is saying something for the dead.." Okay, not that funny. He sighs, but his eyes are full of mirth. He then lifts up a gun which I had no idea he was holding until now.

"And this little baby, is a 9mm handgun. I reckon it can hold about 10 rounds until you have to change the magazine, which isn't too bad, well.. for you." I swear he darts his tongue out at me before standing up.

"Now, which would you like to try first?"

"For a pothead, Freds… You do alright." He bursts out laughing and hands me the gun.

"Handgun it is.. Now, let's practice."

* * *

"'_Now let's practice'_, those were your exact words."

"Yeah, but-"

"How am I supposed to practice if I can't shoot the gun?"

"You know loud noise attracts the dead, so we have to be careful." I huff and place the gun down, fed up with learning about its mechanical being and aiming it at the target without even taking a shot. He turns to me and holds up something.

"It's a good thing we have a silencer for that gun then, eh. Now give it here."

"Yes!"

"Shh." He says, looking around. Even though we have our fences and then additional fences shared with neighbours, we can never be too careful when outside.

"Right, here you go. Now be careful, yeah. Stand back, hold it tight and keep it at arm's length at all times so you don't get any backlash.. That's it. Right, now check safety catch, and remember, when it comes to pressing the trigger-"

"-'_do it slowly, naturally, and don't apply too much pressure. Just let it be, let it come naturally_.'" I turn my head and stare at Freddie. I then hear a few giggles from the distance, and notice Emily, Panda and Katie. Great, now I have an audience.

"It's okay, Naomi. Take it easy, zone them out. Focus in on the mark, okay. Try and get it as close to the centre as possible." I direct my eyes back to the board in the distance, and raise the gun until it is at the same height. I focus on it; I remove the safety cap and breathe. I breathe until I feel my finger instinctively recline around the trigger, and I pull. It's nothing like I've ever experienced before. I jolt back slightly, which is to be expected. But what I don't anticipate is the bullet, which goes through the board and is almost, shockingly enough, a bullseye shot. I turn my head to Freddie and lower the gun down to the ground, putting the safety cap on slowly. His eyes look straight at the board, unable to tear them away. I chance a look back at the girls, who stand equally in a daze. I watch as Emily finally removes her eyes from the board and focuses in on me, her mouth open to an 'o' in surprise.

"Well I'll be fucked. Either you're made for this end of days shit like that Resident Evil woman or someone has had a little more practice than their letting on." I dart my eyes to Katie and watch her fold her arms, eyeing me suspiciously.

"For fuck sakes Katie, give it a rest." I watch as Emily shoulder shoves Katie until her arms fall down to her sides. Panda recovers from her shock and nods in earnest.

"Yah! This is wicked, Naoms. You're so skilled. It's totally whizzer because now you're one of the guys!" I grimace at this, along with Katie. I turn to look at Emily who equally shudders at the thought.

"Uh, yeah, not gonna happen Panda. I'm a girl, just like you."

"But you're all strong and super-duper and I bet Ems-"

"That's enough, Panda, yeah?" I hear Emily call out with her raspy voice, darting Panda a look that I can't quite discern. Panda then rushes into the shed to get away from Emily, who just laughs. I see Katie and Freddie share a look of mischief and I decide to be done for the day. I shrug and hand Freddie the gun, but he shakes his head.

"Na, it's yours now, along with all the other weapons. I'm sure JJ will help you with using the machete, that thing is rather tricky." I place the gun into the back of the trousers, just like he does. It's bloody uncomfortable.

"But it's just a-"

"Yeah, but it's dangerous if not used correctly. And anyway, it's good if you involve Jay, I think he's feeling sort of left out of the happenings."

"Yeah, actually, where is he now?" I turn to Freddie and then to the twins, who just shrug. Panda then comes rushing out of the shed, looking considerably worried.

"Oh sugar! JJ's not inside, and I don't know where he's gone."

"He shouldn't even be out on his own anyway." I hear Katie say, but my eyes are firmly on Freddie, who seems alert, concerned.

"Right, everyone get back in the shed, yeah? Naomi and I will go out and look for him."

"But Freds, it's getting dark." I hear Katie protest but Freddie ushers everybody into the shed.

"I know, and there's a good chance we won't be back tonight – but don't worry, okay? We'll be safe and camp out. We won't come back and until we have JJ, okay. Panda, we will find him."

"Please do. Just because I'm useless doesn't mean I'm nothing. And just because he's nothing doesn't mean he's useless." I turn to Panda who is sitting on the couch, her face ashen with worry. It's a stark difference compared to her usual bubbly self, and it makes me want to console her. I kneel down before her and place my hand tentatively on her leg, which draws her attention.

"Panda, you're not useless, and he's not nothing. We'll find him, I promise… We're a family." I lean up to her and kiss her forehead softly, trying in any way to make her feel better. I then stand up and turn from Panda once she assures me with a small smile that she will be okay for the time being. I turn to Freddie, ready.

"Let's go." We reach for our bug-out-bags and put some things in there, necessities we'd need, weapons, all the lot. After we are done, I watch quietly as Freddie walks to Katie and embraces her. She's considerably silent, which has me feeling rather on edge until I feel Emily's hand on my shoulder, forcing me to turn around. Before I can even register this comfort alone, she is pressing her body against mine and pulling me close, enclosing her arms around me. I drop my head into the crook of her neck and allow myself a moment to breathe, to reciprocate the gesture in kind. I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her even closer, desiring to remove any gaps between us.

"Be safe, Nai. And come back. Just come back."

"I will. I will." I feel her arms tighten around my shoulders momentarily, her hands tangling in my hair to create sensations that even I wasn't aware of. I feel her caress particular strands, making me shut my eyes and bury my face further into her neck.

"Let's go, Naomi." I'm suddenly filled with so much dread, so much uncertainty - and yet so much life. I withdraw myself from a begrudging Emily, who immediately seeks out my eyes and stares at me. I don't even notice that her hand is in mine until Freddie drags my arm away from her, and before I know it, I'm breathing in the night air.

* * *

**Thanks for reading!**


	8. Parks and Recreation

**Author's Note: Sorry for the wait peeps. Just want to thank everyone again for reading, reviewing, and following and such - so thanks! :D**

**Just to respond to Tiffythetitan: Panda and JJ are close but undecided, reckon I'll leave them as they are for now and see where they end up :)**

* * *

**Chapter Eight - Parks and Recreation**

"Naomi, come on." The urgency in his tone makes me rush down the pavement, staring into the darkening night sky.

"Where do you think he could be?" I don't receive a response; perhaps because it's a stupid question seeing as the world is not like it used to be. I try to imagine what the group was like before this apocalypse, but I really can't envision it. These are the people I know now; I hadn't the privilege to know them back then. It's a shame we had to meet under such dire circumstances.

"This way, sometimes he'd mention about wanting to visit here to clear his head." I follow Freddie down a narrow path which eventually leads out into an open park.

"He's big on parks."

"This is dangerous, Freds."

"It's the only lead we have." We continue our journey until we see a crowd of walkers. I grab Freddie's arm and pull him backwards, positioning us behind a bush to prevent us from being exposed. We kneel down to hide better and keep a vigil over the walkers.

"There's too many, Freds. Surely JJ wouldn't be here. I mean, he's not…. He wouldn't." Freddie looks straight at me, his expression hard. It jolts something in me, something that I don't like.

"No, he… why? I don't-"

"He's not been himself lately, Naomi, you should know this. He's not coping.."

"But he was fine this morning. He was fine!" Freddie looks over to the walkers and then back to me, his jaw clenching tightly.

"He has Asperger's, Naomi, and as of last week, we've run out of all medications that can help him properly manage the condition."

"What?"

"We're run out of everything: Priazapan, Moraglutomol, Triculine, Rizzalin – everything, even ordinary pain killers, you name it. And every store we've been to, there's nothing. All the chemists have been looted. What I'm trying to say is that he is unstable at the moment. He's not thinking right. And to come off all the meds cold turkey like this.."

"Jesus."

"Yeah." We stay silent for a moment, keeping an eye out on the walkers. Suddenly I feel very cold and very wrong for ever believing that JJ didn't mean anything to me, because he does. We may not be close, but he's definitely not a stranger, either. I turn to Freddie in earnest.

"So what do we do now, surely there's somewhere he would be? Can't you think of a place? I mean, before all of this went down. You're his best friend, there has to be a place." Freddie mulls this over, his hands on his knees, tapping out of habit.

"There might be a place, but its way out. We'd have to camp out."

"Hence why we came prepared." I say nodding over my shoulder to my bug-out-bag. Freddie stands up straight and exhales softly, his eyes never once leaving the walkers.

"Alright. I reckon we can make it there just after midnight, we camp somewhere for the night and then head back – with or without JJ." I feel my jaw clench at this information, feeling unsatisfactory with this order.

"Freds-"

"We don't have a choice; we don't have enough stuff to survive, Naoms. And we can't leave everyone at the shed unsupervised for long, they need us. We have a responsibility to protect them." I can see how he's trying to rationalise this plan, but it still makes me feel uneasy about it. I can only hope that JJ will be there, wherever there may be.

* * *

I'm not entirely sure where we are heading, which annoys me to no end considering that I live here. I know every nook and cranny, but I guess I really don't know it all. It puts me to shame, really. I trail behind Freddie as we make a turn round a corner - that is until I then bump directly into him, forcing me to stop.

"Freddie, what-"

"Shh…" I try to look at his face, and then around him, trying to decipher what's going on. It's another park which looks over the city, and it's quite a nice one. That is until I see a few walkers in the distance, roaming around as per usual. As I go to stand behind Freddie again, I catch sight of something at the corner of my eye. It moves slightly and it's enough to garner my attention away from the walkers. I tap Freddie on the shoulder.

"What's that?" He turns to look and joins me in speculation of what the shadow may be. The shadow moves, too swiftly for us to react, in fact. As I reach for my knife in the holster, a quiet voice rings out.

"What are you guys doing here?" Upon closer inspection, we identify the outline of JJ, with his rigid exterior and untamed curls.

"Bloody hell, Jay, where you been?"

"I had an episode, too much in my head, too much. I needed to get out, I couldn't handle… I went for a walk, I know I shouldn't have, I know it's forbidden, but I just had to! I had-" Freddie darts forward and brings JJ close to him, and it essentially calms him down. He rocks JJ back and forth slowly in his embrace, making sure to make quiet lulling sounds for effect.

"It's okay, brother. It's okay."

"It gets too much, I haven't been sleeping, I just needed to get out.." I stand there, watching this private moment and feeling like I'm imposing, that is until I feel a wave of anxiety hit me. I look on over to the park and see a couple walkers crossing on over to us, as if sensing our beating hearts.

"We've got company, I think we should go." I hate to ruin the moment because of how fragile JJ seems to be, but the alternative is pretty much death, which isn't exactly favourable right now, is it. They draw back and assess the situation with their own eyes.

"Oh bobbins, Freddie, the hide out we-"

"On it, JJ - this way!" We charge in the opposite direction, just running blindingly and following Freddie as we dash into a forest of sorts, jumping by and trying to avoid the trees as our feet surge through the earth's floor. The sound of twigs crunching has me on edge as I look behind me in frenzy, trying to gauge whether they're following us or not. After a couple minutes worth of running blind, we make it to a fairly secluded part where there is a square boarded up cabin of sorts.

"Quick." I observe as Freddie directs us to the back of the wreck and shoves on the door, which budges after the second try. He ushers JJ and I in and then closes the door behind him, quick to bolt it and put a plank of wood over to secure it. The cabin is pretty bare, bar the waste on the floor and a dark green couch. It's clearly seen better days. JJ steps further into the room and accidentally kicks an empty can of cider. I miss drinking. Why we haven't picked up some alcohol is beyond me, perhaps we get so caught up in what's useful and necessary that we forget to indulge in the things that we want, not need.

"Thankfully the windows are covered, eh? We can at least get some shut eye tonight without worrying about those walkers looking in on us." Freddie then drops his bag onto the floor and plops himself down.

"Just like old times, eh Jay?" I look to JJ who faces the wall quietly, and just stands there. I look between Freddie and JJ before I take a cautious step to him.

"JJ?" He doesn't respond, doesn't even move. I turn my head towards the wooden wall to see exactly what he may be looking at, and it's then I see some graffiti, with the words 'Cook, JJ, and Freddie'. I lower my eyes and see the inscription 'blood brothers forever'. I place my hand tentatively on JJ's shoulder, which causes him to initially tense up, but after a moment he relaxes enough for me to give it a gentle squeeze.

"Cook found this place. We used to always hang out here, do magic tricks and laugh. I miss those times. I miss being like that. I want to be normal." I see Freddie in my peripheral vision as he gets up and moves to stand next to JJ on his other side. I extract my hand and bow my head.

"Nothing's normal anymore, Jay. Nothing."

* * *

I stay up to keep an eye on JJ. It isn't something we discussed; I just feel a duty toward him that I never felt before when working alongside him. It's like they are all my brothers and sisters now, and I have to keep them safe. I have to help them in any way that I possibly can, I just have to. I sigh softly and sense that Freddie is also staying up too as he shuffles on the floor beside me, trying to get comfortable. My eyes remain on JJ's outline on the couch though, consumed by far too much worry to do anything else.

"You alright?" I hear Freddie softly inquire as he moves into a sitting position, mimicking me.

"Yeah, fine." We fall into an easy silence just sitting there together, that is before I feel the urge to fill it with words conjured from my busy, good-for-nothing brain.

"Did JJ eat anything?" Freddie moves his legs so he can wrap his arms around them as I remain with my legs crossed on the floor, content to stay as I am.

"Na, he's losing his appetite, I think. I'm not exactly sure what the symptoms of his condition are, but the stress has been getting him down. He's been hyperactive a lot more, finds it hard to focus and switch off."

"We should…" I stop, allowing myself to second guess the suggestion I feel brewing underneath my skin, but I'm far too involved now, and even though JJ and I may not be close, I still consider him family.

"I think, no, I know that I would like to go looking for medicine for him… Whether we have to make a journey, kill more walkers or encounter more danger than usual… Well, all I know is that we have to do something." I turn my eyes on Freddie to judge his reaction. He sighs, dropping his hands over his knees, his attention on JJ. I see that I will have to amend and evidence my hypothesis further, and so I continue.

"Pills don't expire for a long time, and I'm positive there are loads still out there yet to be claimed, for us and for him. We just have to pinpoint stock warehouses, chemists… Hell, even supermarkets. There has to be places out there that still has medicine, I mean, come _on_. We're living in a dead world, there aren't many people alive to take the stuff – we just have to find the right place to target." He finally looks at me, if only to convey his doubt through his dark brown eyes, though as I continue to stare back, I do detect a little bravery just yet. He turns his attention back to JJ, watching him carefully. And so I do what I know best, persevere.

"It's worth a try, for JJ; for all of us. God knows we may need it someday if anything happens to us." Freddie remains silent, contemplating my proposition. After a long pause, he turns to me and shoots me a crooked smile.

"The girls aren't gonna be too happy about this."

"Screw the girls."

"Wouldn't you like to. Well, should I say at least the one, anyway?" He winks and moves back down onto the floor softly, pulling his blanket back over his body.

"What do you mean? I don't want to screw the girls – I _am_ a girl." I hear Freddie chuckle and mumble a goodnight before falling into a light slumber. I exhale rather exaggeratedly and fold my arms across my chest.

"I don't." I am met with nothing but silence.


	9. I Know Who You Are But What Am I

**Author's Note: Hello earthlings! Hope everyone is doing just fine. Just want to thank those awesome peeps who read, review and follow, 'tis muchly appreciated!**

**To Tiffythetitan: Those bug-out-bags are quite something! Makes me want to invest in one, tbh, if only to showcase how prepared I am if something does happen ;D I do realise that Emily was not in the last chapter, but there will be plenty of Emily in this chapter!**

**To AmyBot3000: Many thanks! For me, I feel like those two things pretty much encapsulate the story in its entirety and should be in the summary along the lines of 'do you like lesbians, how about zombies? well look no further..' :D**

**Here we go again, enjoy!  
**

* * *

**Chapter Nine – I Know Who You Are But What Am I**

We head home as soon as it's light out, taking care to watch over JJ as we do. Although he hadn't eaten, he did manage to get a decent amount of kip, which I suppose is something. All I know is that things have got to change once we get back – JJ needs us, every single one of us, and we need to look after him.

Fortunately we don't have to kill any walkers as we trek back, and as we approach our shed, I see that Katie is already standing outside at the door with the gate open, looking thoroughly pissed off. We ground to a natural halt at a safe distance, preparing ourselves.

"Where the fuck have you been?" I can't remember a time when Katie's presence has not been at the shed door upon our return. I bet she waits idly around while Emily and Panda watch vigilantly over the tiny camera LCD screen for any indication of us. And then, only when they inform her that we are back, does she decide to do something: gracing us with her temperamental, if not terrifying, company. Somehow it feels like we got the short-end of the stick.

"Babe, not outside, yeah?" Freddie utters in a stern whisper. Katie's body sags as she huffs, her eyes shooting us each individual daggers before she turns on her heels and storms into the shed.

"Don't mind her, JJ; women's problems and all that." I snicker as we walk, which inevitably turns into a full blown laugh when I hear Katie retort.

"I heard that, you twat." As we make our way into the lounge, Freddie and JJ dispose of their bags just in time for Panda to rush across from the kitchen and envelope JJ into a mighty hug. She pulls back to swat JJ on the arm.

"Oh JJ, you've got yourself stuck into some right toffee! I've made us breakfast, you have to eat! We were well worried about you." JJ can't quite manage to look at Panda, his form shaking slightly.

"I'm sorry Pandora; my thoughts got the best of me. I just needed to walk it off."

"It's okay, poo-bear! Everything is hunky-dorey. Now let's eat 'cause I'm starving like a hippopotamus!" I shake my head slightly at Panda's usual weirdness, and laugh. She then drags JJ into the kitchen and immediately produces a spoon with food on, forcing it into JJ's direction as she adopts the flying plane technique and everything. I manage to just catch sight of Katie as she drags Freddie into his bedroom, his face knotting with fear. I openly laugh at this as I drop my bug-out-bag to where the others are.

"So he was okay when you found him?" I turn on my heels to see Emily standing there, how did I miss her?

"Yeah, he went to some park he used to go to. He's not coping very well without his meds, though." Emily nods, looking to JJ as he resists the spoon of food being wielded by Panda.

"I made a suggestion to Freddie that we go look for them… Look for some medication." She returns her attention to me and frowns slightly at this admission.

"But we've already searched the local area, the places we've been to have all been looted."

"Then… We're just gonna have to widen our search, won't we." Emily shoots me a sceptical look, not quite registering the information, or rather, choosing not to.

"You can't… It's dangerous out there. You shouldn't go."

"It was my proposition, Emily. And who else is gonna go?" Emily continues to look at me with an array of emotion, too many for me to decipher, let alone question. Before we can even speak about this more, a shrill noise emits from Freddie's room, alerting everyone in the lounge. The door then proceeds to open to reveal a charging Katie.

"She came up with what?!" She goes to attack me but Freddie and Emily both shield me from her scraping nails and thrashing body. Why does Katie _always_ want to hurt me, seriously?

"Babe, it's a good plan. And Naomi's right; we might end up getting sick, and then what? We need to be prepared and have everything covered. This is as much for JJ as it is for us. And the sooner we leave, the sooner we'll be back." Katie turns to Freddie, her anger vanishing almost instantly.

"But.. y-you just got back…." Emily drops her hands away from her sister and watches on with everyone else as Freddie embraces Katie, running his hands up Katie's back, trying to soothe her.

"I know, and it sucks, but it needs to be done, hun. We'll come back, we always do."

"Don't you dare make me any promises, Freddie. At least ones you can't actually make for sure, yeah? If you wanna go, you go. I don't care anymore. Fucking done playing muggins in this game of hide and seek!" Katie then rushes off again, but this time into her room. She slams the door behind her in a very Katiesque-fashion of which I have grown accustom to, yet this time, I do actually feel rather bad for her. Emily initially goes to follow but Freddie raises his hand, dismissing her.

"I'll go." He then turns to me, looking rather sullen.

"We'll rest today and head out tomorrow morning, just before sunrise." He then turns around and heads pitifully to the girls door, stalling for a moment before opening it. It doesn't cause a reaction, so he enters and closes the door behind him. I continue to watch for a moment before looking back to Emily who refuses to meet my gaze. Sighing somewhat, I look to JJ and Panda who watch us.

"Uhh, we'll just go to JJ's room, yeah. There's enough food for you guys if you want, just here, if you want.. Yeah." She then pulls on JJ's elbow and walks with him to JJ's room, entering and closing the door swiftly behind her. I stay looking down the hallway, if only just to prolong this stillness for a moment more. I don't think I have it in me to argue my judgement right now, especially to Emily who has always had my back. I eventually look to Emily, who walks to the couch and sits down. She looks up at me expectantly, placing her hands formally on her knees, her wide brown eyes observing every inch of me.

"What do you want me to say, Em?"

"Nothing you don't want to." I roll my eyes and exhale loudly.

"I don't have the strength for mind games."

"I'm not trying to play a game, Naomi. I just want to understand."

"Understand what exactly? The thought came to me, I asked Freddie, he accepted, and now we're going to search. What is there not to understand?"

"The reason why you're doing this." My brows knot, I am sure. I feel my body deflate noticeably.

"Oh, so you think I'm just some kind of wicked person that doesn't actually care about anyone?"

"No, I-"

"I'm just some random, heartless bitch that's ambushed the group and stayed against everyone wishes but Freddie's? If you want me gone so much all you have to do is say."

"Naomi, stop!"

"No, I'm tired! I'm so fucking _tired_ of always having to fight my side. I'm tired of always having to be the one on the outside. I thought that maybe if I have to live in this nonsensical world that I could at least coexist with a group that seem to actually care about me: that even though it was hard at first, I came to be accepted as one of them; as one of the team. And that even though Katie wants to tear my goddamn head off every second and that I miss my family with every fucking fibre of my entire being, I will continue to be here because I'd manage to find another family worth living for. _Jesus._" I feel the stupid tears build up in my eyes to the point where I can't even suppress them, as they blur my sight and inevitably fall down to flood my cheeks. I feel my body shake, but only for a moment before I feel a strong body crash against me, embracing my form so tight I believe that I am no longer my own: I am claimed by another and exist no more as a solitary being.

"Naomi.." I pull back, unable to take the pressure. It's suffocating me, but I allow her to keep me close. I look down to her and my heart swells with emotion and feeling - so much feeling. She even has tears in her own beautiful eyes that bore into me, attentive and caring. She has so much feeling there too, always has when I think about it. My eyes begin to dart down, noting her button nose, her rosy cheeks, and god, her lips. They're so kissable and right here, within proximity. So close. I chance a look up and catch her gaze; her eyes a notably darker shade of hue, swirling with sensation. I gulp as I look down to her lips once again, and realise what I feel: the usual stirrings that bridle over inside of me when I'm attracted to someone. But I can't let it happen, I just can't. Emily is the closest person I've been to since Effy, and I don't think I could ruin our friendship with a fleeting moment like this, because it is fleeting… It _has_ to be. So instead I lower my head until my chin meets my chest, bowing it as to disconnect this intense moment. I'm not sure why, but I suddenly feel like a coward - yet I know it's for the best.

I shut my eyes and believe that I'm successful at avoiding something from happening until I feel Emily's arms encircle my neck. After a pause, I then feel lips press against my forehead, kissing softly, yet firmly. I feel myself shiver at the contact and exhale. How does she do this to me? How? She trails her hands to my shoulders and then to my cheeks, as I feel her rest her own forehead against mine.

"It's okay, Naoms. I'm here, I care. I'm not going anywhere, I_ promise._"

* * *

Somehow we end up in the girls' room, which is deserted now. Emily pats the spot beside her on the bed, which I take hesitantly. She senses and smiles gently at me, which instantly relaxes me – her smile always does. She then moves and rests her back against the wall, crossing her leg over the other. I slowly move backwards to rest my back against the wall, sitting side by side with her. My eyes don't dare look at her, but instead are fused on the bunk beds across from me.

"Panda decided to bunk with Katie, much to her annoyance. It's not like she had much of a choice, anyway. I think we're trying to create as much difference between us as possible, even though we will always be twins. It's nice not to have to share everything like we used to."

"Like hair colours..?"

"Yeah." She continues to watch me; I can feel her eyes on me, and it makes me feel completely undone.

"You remind me of Effy sometimes.." She doesn't respond, and I can tell that she's waiting for me to continue, to explain myself. She doesn't want to force these words from me, and I appreciate that. I exhale and place my head back against the wall, moving my head to look up at the ceiling.

"She would just stare at me like you do sometimes, but in a very calculated way, you know? Stoic, as if to say 'I know you inside out, but you will never know me', yet I did know her-I do… I've known her most of my life." We fall into a short silence, listening to the minimal sounds coming from the lounge.

"Then there's Cook, who is yes; a serial womanizer who happens to be a dick on occasion, but he's.. Cook. Underneath it all he's actually alright, and sure he's made a few mistakes, but he's more than paid for them. Nobody gets to see the real Cook but us, you know? He has a kind heart; a true heart. He's like my brother." I inhale and exhale slowly, trying to remain calm, but I feel the tension begin to build inside of me as I approach the one thing that really gets me. It's the one thing that keeps me silent most times.

"And Gina, my mum, she… Well, we may not always see eye to eye, you know? We're both stubborn, and I admit I inherited the Campbell eye roll from her, even though I have fiercely denied it for the longest time; it's perhaps one of our best traits. She… She wasn't always there for me. We used to have this weird set-up at home, a communal environment, if you will. And she would never see anything wrong with that, people coming and going, strangers taking things, and mum was just... Never there for me. It was only when Effy and Cook…. Well, basically shit went down and things started to change. She finally started acting like the mum I needed her to be. And we've been good ever since. I know it's only been a year or so, but it's been good. We've all been good." I allow my head to drop down as I look at my lap; I bite my lip before I continue, my hands clutching the duvet on the bed.

"I miss Effy. I miss Cook. I miss.. My mum. I just wish I knew what happened, why they never came to me. I mean, I know I was out of it, but I can't help wondering where they are now, and why they left me. It's all just so fucked up." I feel Emily place her hand over mine which causes my grip to slacken on the sheets. She lightly traces her thumb over my skin, which leaves the desired effect on me, if I'm being completely honest.

"The last thing I remember was being with Cook and Effy, just walking around like we do when we're bored… We went into a shop, and I don't know why, but I was shot. The next thing I know, I wake up in hospital, and then everything's just… some sort of fucking nightmare. I'm holding on to these fragments of my life, and the longer I live in this world, the more it feels like it was all a dream of some sort." I turn to look at Emily who is giving me the most compassionate smile I've ever seen, void of any pity that would taint it; it's purely empathetic and supportive. She gives my hand a gentle squeeze, which makes me smile, if only a little.

"I mean, I know it's not. I know that this is all happening and I'm not going crazy or something." I resume my gaze to my lap as I try to process what I'm feeling.

"I'm just trying to understand it all, really. Trying to piece together why they weren't there when I woke up, why I wasn't taken with them, why they left without me.. I want to believe that there's a reason that they never came for me. That.. I don't know. I don't know what to think. I've been so caught up in everything, and feeling thankful that they're together and alive somewhere, but now that I've given it time and thought, I feel…. Bitter. I feel sad. They're my family and I just don't understand why I've been left behind." She doesn't speak, she doesn't even have to. Her being here is enough for me; combine with the continuous motion of her thumb creating a lulling pattern on my hand, serves to inform me that I am not alone.

* * *

I open my eyes and immediately feel something behind me that cannot be described as the usual texture of the couch. That and the calculated breaths that I feel against my neck is a good indicator that I am not in my typical place of rest, and that I am indeed wrapped up in an embrace of some sort. I look straight ahead of me with my head resting on a pillow. I see Panda across from me, snoring lightly with her mouth open. I look up to see that Katie's bunk is empty, so I can only assume that Katie is with Freddie, which means that behind me is.. Shit. I look down to see Emily's arms around me, holding me in place. Yet again I feel a breath exhaled on my neck, and it makes me shiver. I bite my lip and try to refrain from moaning as I feel my body temperature increase significantly.

"_Christ_."

"Nope, just Emily.." I tense slightly as I hear her response, knowing on some subconscious level I was actually hoping above all else she was asleep so that I could make it out of here without waking her. I feel her relax her hands, but they still grip me, as if never wanting to let me go – I've never been held like this. She draws back slightly to create some space, and I swear she is as flushed as me, but I guess I'll never know for sure now.

"S-sorry." I don't understand why she's apologising, and I don't respond to it. We just continue to lie here, which has me struggling, trying to figure out what I should do or how I should act. In all honesty, this feels quite nice. Before I can even try to register what this may mean, or what it may mean for us, Katie is marching through the door.

"Oi bitch, get off my sister and get your arse up, it's time to go."

And just like that, it ends whatever was happening between us. I find myself operating on autopilot as I detach myself from Emily and enter the lounge; I look to Freddie and barely listen to what he has to say as we get ready for our departure. Change of clothes, bug-out-bags already filled and ready to go, words being spoken, people skulking around the lounge - all I can think of and feel is Emily. I can sense her eyes on me, trained so passionately, that I just _can't_ allow myself to look back. I know that if I do, I won't be accountable for my actions. One night of being with Emily, just speaking and holding, has disarmed me so unequivocally. Whatever it is, I feel it and I'm certain she does too. What I'm not sure about is whether I can trust it. I look to Freddie who gives me the signal, I merely nod back. He gives Katie a quick hug and kiss, which she doesn't seem pleased with. He acknowledges everyone else and then turns for the door. I'm unable to meet Emily's eye, even though I long to, even though I crave like nothing else to just lift my gaze and stare into her wonderful warm brown eyes. I'm not strong enough. I'm not brave enough.

I pick up my bug-out-bag and put it on slowly, making sure to gently strap on my knife holster and place the gun safely in the back of my trousers, taking the time to digest what I'm about to do. I go to turn away and join Freddie but she doesn't allow me. She moves forward from everyone else, singling herself out, and grabs my wrist. Her other hand lifts my chin so that our eyes meet, and I feel my whole body come alive. I'm no longer in a haze, I see clearly and I am awake to her.

"Come back, Naoms. We'll be waiting here for you… We're your family, okay? We care about you deeply. So be safe." She moves forward and embraces me, lifting up onto her tip toes in such an adorable way that I find myself leaning down and enclosing my arms around her, desiring to hold her in place. I feel her mouth move to my ear and her quiet words flow like a lullaby.

"I know you, Naomi. I know you're lonely. I think you need someone to want you. Well, I do want you. So be brave and want me back." She then pulls back and kisses my cheek, slipping back down onto the soles of her feet, and watches me closely. I feel my breathing grow shallow as I try to form words, but none come. Nothing does. My brain is on overdrive. Systems are fried. My senses overloaded. All I can do is look into her rich brown irises and watch how her pupils dilate with hope. I feel my skin begin to itch with want, but my head once again begins to feel fuzzy, but this time with absolute panic.

"Naomi?" I hear Freddie call me, and without dithering, I turn on my heels and walk straight out of the shed. I don't turn around as I hear Emily call me; her voice a particular rasp that happens to stab me this time. And as I close the shed door and walk off with Freddie, who is looking at me strangely, I'm not entirely sure what truly happened, or what my actions may have just done.


End file.
